


All Encompassing

by plain_jane08 (awolfling)



Series: All encompassing [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Chronic Illness, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:45:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awolfling/pseuds/plain_jane08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It’s been worse since he got to Hawaii. Maybe it’s the stress, or the different food, maybe his body would have done this anyway. The cause is irrelevant. What matters is that his body continues to sabotage him. So yeah, excuse him for being a little angry. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In which Danny has Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Steve cannot know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Encompassing

Danny hates pineapple. That’s not a secret. What is a secret is why. Sure, he thinks fruit absolutely doesn’t belong on pizza (with the exception of tomato, but while technically a tomato is a fruit, functionally it doesn’t act like one, so the point stands.) That much is true, and Danny will happily tell anyone who will listen (and sometimes people who don’t want to listen) about the many things wrong with Hawaiian pizza. What he doesn’t say, will never ever say, is that the reason he hates pineapples is because they make him sick. Not in an allergic sense, he’d be happy to cop to that. But in the sense that his body is a fucking piece of shit traitor that doesn’t work properly and puts him in embarrassing and painful predicaments.

 

Pineapple isn’t even the start of it. The rest is too long to list, even though Danny takes note, catalogues all the foods he can’t eat for fear of unbearable pain and explosive diarrhea. It’s not fun or funny and if he’s perfectly honest with himself (which he makes a point of being) it makes him feel like an outsider. Being in near constant pain and having to analyse everything you eat gets tiresome really quickly.

 

It’s been worse since he got to Hawaii. Maybe it’s the stress, or the different food, maybe his body would have done this anyway. The cause is irrelevant. What matters is that his body continues to sabotage him. So yeah, excuse him for being a little angry. Not that he tells anyone about it. He may be a bit of an open book, rants about pretty much everything, but some things are too embarrassing, too private to air like that. He wouldn’t make himself vulnerable like that; he knew from personal experience how the people you love could use that kind of thing against you, he could only guess what people who he wasn’t close to would do with the information.

 

So he didn’t tell his team. In fact the idea of Chin and Kono and especially Steve finding out had kept him awake on more than a few nights. He’s been good at hiding it from his previous partners, but none of them had ever been as close to him as 5-0 are. And none of them spent as much time with him as Steve has.

 

So far he’s been lucky, if you can call it that. He’s mostly had flare-ups on days off, or at night after he’s gone home. The ones that have happened at work haven’t been too bad. It’s not easy being sick around Grace, but she’s always taken it in her stride even though he’s never explicitly told her what’s wrong with him. She’s content to play inside when Danny’s too sick to leave the house. It makes him feel like the worst fucking father in the world though, and in his darker moments Danny wonders if what Rachel said once was right, maybe his illness will be a bad influence on his daughter.

 

The longer he is with 5-0 though, the more likely it is that Danny’s luck was going to run out. It’s not the first time he’s had a flare-up at work since joining 5-0, but it is the worst, the most obvious. Danny supposes having a flare-up while he’s in the office is better than when he’s out on a case, but he’d really rather have it not happen at all. Danny wishes, if he couldn’t completely get rid of this illness, he could at least control it. If it only happened when he was at home that would be good. Well, actually it would still fucking suck, but at least he’d have privacy. No embarrassment and he’d be free to curl up on his bed like a baby and feel sorry for himself.

 

As it is, he’s spent the last ten minutes in the men’s room, praying like hell that no one comes in. It’s hard enough being a man who needs to take a normal poop in a public toilet, because the minute you go into a cubicle everyone knows what you’re going to do in there. If you stay longer than a few minutes you’re having some sort of problem or you’re jacking off (and public sex of any kind really isn’t Danny’s thing.) So yeah, he’d really like to get out there before anyone knows what he’s doing. He’d also like to not be in a tremendous amount of pain. You’d think after years and years of dealing with it, you’d get used to it. But no, it always blindsides Danny, the sheer amount of pain his body can actually withstand.

 

Finally he thinks it’s safe to leave; his guts have stopped roiling, at least. It’s nearing the end of the day and with any luck they won’t catch a case and Danny can go home and throw himself a pity party.

 

He’s always wiped after a flare-up. Experiencing that much pain; it’s like his body shuts down. He’s exhausted and he has a headache brewing and just walking feels like too much effort.

 

He sits down gingerly at his desk and undoes his belt buckle because it’s digging into his stomach which is _not good._ Elbows resting on his desk, Danny puts his head in his hands, rubbing the balls of his palms into his eyes and sighs. _It’s not long now,_ he tells himself. Soon he’ll be home.

 

Danny hears footsteps and a happy “Hey Danno,” tells him that Steve has just walked into his office. Danny suppresses a groan. If there’s a new case he might just lose it.

 

Danny turns his head slightly, moving his hand so he can look at Steve out his one eye.

 

“Yeah?” Danny says hesitantly.

 

“Since things have been pretty boring ‘round here today, you wanna come to my place after work, have a beer, see if there’s a game on?” Steve gives Danny his half smile with the soft eyes that never fails to make Danny’s stomach flutter.

 

Danny would love to go. He always likes spending time with Steve when there aren’t car chases and explosions and general recklessness going on. The thought of relaxing on Steve’s couch is fucking heaven. But Danny knows he can’t trust his body right now and he’s pretty sure he’d be asleep the moment he sat down at Steve’s.

 

“I can’t,” Danny says, and he feels like a fucking asshole because Steve’s face falls a little. It’s not the first time Danny’s had to turn Steve down, though the last two times were hangouts with the whole team. They always look so disappointed, though Chin and Kono hide it better. He knows there’s only so many times he can do this before they start getting suspicious, or assuming he’s some asshole who doesn’t like them.

 

“Can I get a rain check?” Danny asks, “I’m just, uh, not feeling well.”

 

Steve’s expression goes from disappointed to concerned. Which is a better look, yes, but also problematic because a concerned Steve is a dogged Steve.

 

“What’s wrong?” Steve says, posture already shifting into ‘show me who to hurt’ territory.

 

Danny needs to nip this in the bud. He can’t have Steve finding out about him. Number one, if Steve finds out about his IBS it could get him thrown off the taskforce. Danny knows he’s a liability; would be seen as weak. He’s selfish enough that he doesn’t want to leave 5-0, he’ll push through the pain and work twice as fucking hard to make up for his short comings even though he knows he can never be as reliable as an able-bodied person. 5-0 has become too important to him. Number two is that he doesn’t want Steve to look at him differently. He’ll either pity Danny or be put off by his weakness and either one is unacceptable.

 

“Just a headache,” Danny doesn’t exactly lie. He _does_ have a headache, though that’s not really what’s wrong with him. It’s his fucking dysfunctional body that’s wrong.

 

“Is everything ok with Grace?” Steve asks tentatively.

 

“What? Yeah, no everything’s fine. It’s just a headache.”

 

“Okay,” Steve says, seeming to believe him, “Another time.”

 

Steve reaches over and gives Danny’s neck a squeeze, “Why don’t you knock off early, get some rest.”

 

Danny nods, trying not to shiver at the feel of Steve’s hand. It’s warm and strong and the pressure of his fingers pressing into Danny’s neck temporarily relieves his headache. And then it’s gone and Steve’s leaving his office and Danny wishes things were different, that he could accept Steve’s invitation, that Steve had kept his hand on Danny longer.

 

Danny and Steve have been circling this _thing_ for a while. Danny knows enough to say that Steve’s interested, though in what exactly he’s not sure. There’s something more going on than just friendship, you’d have to be blind not to see that. But Danny’s never sure if Steve wants a quick fuck or a relationship or what. Steve doesn’t really seem like the relationship kind of guy. Danny doesn’t do casual, but it doesn’t matter what Danny wants because he can’t have it. He can’t let Steve get that close for so many reasons, Steve’s his boss after all, but most of all because if Steve finds out Danny has IBS, it will all go to shit.

 

Danny feels the phantom of Steve’s hand all the way home.

 

+

 

Danny doesn’t know how his body can do this, how it can experience so much pain and less than an hour later he’s got the beginnings of an erection. He’s not in the mood, not mentally or emotionally, but apparently his body hasn’t gotten the memo. It’s annoying. The last thing he feels like doing is jacking off. All he wants is to find food that hopefully won’t upset his stomach any more that it already is and curl up on his uncomfortable pull-out bed and go to sleep. He’s not sure if he should ignore his stupid dick until it gets the message (which he knows will leave him feeling weirdly unsatisfied) or whether he should get himself off as quickly as possible so his dick will just shut up already.

 

It’s Steve’s fault. He’s so horribly attractive _all the time_ , walking around the office looking good in fucking cargo pants (who the hell looks good in cargo pants anyway?!) and his adorable face and touching Danny’s neck. Danny hates him. Except he also kinda loves him which makes this all the more annoying and thinking about this isn’t doing anything helpful because his dick is even more interested than before.

 

So Danny gives in, lies on his back with his pants and boxers around his knees, palming his half-hard cock. He tries not to think about Steve because his feelings towards him are already inappropriate and Danny doesn’t need to get anymore attached to Steve than he already is. He feels kind of dirty anyways, being attracted to the guy who is not only his boss, but also his best friend. He’s never seen the point in going after something you can’t have, and he absolutely can’t have Steve. Why can’t he be satisfied with just being friends? He tries to tell himself he doesn’t need a relationship with a man anyways; the last time Danny dated a guy was long before Rachel. God, he definitely doesn’t need to be thinking about his ex right now.

 

His cock is properly hard now and he shifts to get more comfortable but ends up being unpleasantly reminded of his flare-up today by the pain in his ass. It’s not entirely a mood breaker, but it doesn’t help either. He’s contemplating stopping when his stomach give a sharp spasm which most definitely spells trouble. He’s up and staggering to the bathroom before he really has time to think and makes it to the toilet just in time for another round. The pain kills his erection pretty much instantly and he’s left wondering whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Danny fucking hates his body.

 

He has a glass of Ensure for supper because he can’t stomach anything else, but knows he needs to eat _something_ otherwise his stomach will get worse _._ When he’s done he gets into the loosest pajama bottoms he owns, forgoing underwear because any pressure on his stomach feels terrible, and gets into bed. He settles on his back, bum knee bent and his hands low on his stomach in the hopes that the warmth will help ease the pain.

 

+

 

The next day they catch a case. It’s another high profile kidnapping, which means fast paced, high adrenalin, and, because Steve’s involved, a shoot out with the kidnappers in a warehouse at the docks which results in way too many close calls and no backup. And again because Steve’s involved, both they and the guy who was kidnapped walk away mostly unscathed. It doesn’t stop Danny from ranting at Steve about proper procedure though.

 

The case took three days to resolve and Danny’s body, thankfully, managed to behave. He always makes sure to only eat bland, safe food when they’re on a case like that, and he takes his meds if he feels even a twinge, but it’s never guaranteed that he won’t have a flare-up despite these measures. His meds make him tired and sometimes a little spacey, so he avoids taking them if he can, but it’s better than the alternative which is to be incapacitated by pain and stuck on a toilet. Any adrenalin that kicks in from the case always wakes Danny right up and keeps him focused, so it’s not too bad. He’s fortunate that if his flare-up is stress related, it generally happens once things start to calm down. He wouldn’t be able to do his job otherwise.

 

Steve asks him if he wants to cash in the rain check after they’ve wrapped up the case, and Danny’s happy to oblige. They sit out on the lanai, knocking back beers and eating pizza (and it’s actually good, no pineapple in sight, and the sauce is great and when Danny gives Steve a nod of approval Steve lights up like a fucking volcano.) They drift inside when the night air becomes cool, mellow from the beers and the post case come down. Steve puts a movie on and it’s brainless and action packed and Danny smiles happily, settling down into the couch. They make stupid jokes about the movie, laughing quietly and enjoying it all the more for the silly commentary.

 

Sometime during the movie they end up leaning against each other, Steve’s arm around Danny’s shoulders. It’s nice and Danny thinks maybe he’d be happy if this is all he ever got from Steve. Maybe being this close to Steve is already a dangerous position, so casually intimate that it reminds him of the better days with Rachel, when they felt like a team, but Danny doesn’t have it in him to resist. Not this. Danny’s not sure he’s ever been this close and comfortable with anyone, not even with Rachel during those good days. It’s easy, this thing between him and Steve, despite the rocky start and Steve’s infuriating disregard for protocol and Danny’s tendency to rant about almost everything.

 

Steve shifts to get more comfortable, his fingers brushing against Danny’s chest and Danny can’t suppress his happy sigh. Steve hums in agreement and Danny can feel the rumble where he’s pressed against Steve’s side.

 

Danny flashes hot and it takes him a few seconds to realise it’s not the ambient temperature or him getting aroused. In fact, it’s not until there’s a sharp pain in his stomach that it dawns on him. He’s pulling away from Steve and stands up so quickly he gets a head rush. He manages to force out a “Gotta take a leak” before he’s dashing upstairs to the bathroom. He barely hears Steve’s worried “Danny?”

 

It’s the worst flare-up he’s had in a while, pales in comparison to what he went through in the office the other day. Danny’s not sure how the human body can be in this much pain and not be bleeding or dying or something. Danny’s been shot. This is worse. He bites his lip and curls his hands into fists, finger nails cutting into his palm, trying to keep from making a sound.

 

He’s been there… a while when the pain finally lets up. It’s not gone completely, but it’s manageable. He looks around for air-freshener but can’t find any. He can’t find it in himself to care right now, just hopes that Steve doesn’t come up here anytime soon.

 

He goes back downstairs trying not to walk funny, even though he needs to make sure not jolt his stomach. Steve has paused the movie, which is nice but Danny wasn’t really paying attention anyways. Steve’s clearly going for nonchalance, but has ended up looking aggressively relaxed, which Danny supposes is better than being fussed over or, even worse, being asked what took him so long. It’s embarrassing enough as it is.

 

Danny sits carefully on the couch and Steve resumes their earlier position and presses play. Danny tries to relax, hoping that it was a one time thing, and he won’t be rushing back to the bathroom soon. It’s pretty much 50/50 and there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason with regards to how long his flare-ups last.

 

Steve’s rubbing his thumb along the edge of his shoulder and down his arm and it helps settle Danny’s nerves. Danny tries to focus on the movie and forget about the ache in his stomach but it’s growing progressively worse. He tries to breathe through it, deep breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth. Steve’s hand tightens on Danny’s arm. The ache isn’t going away. It gets to the point of panic and he mumbles “Sorry” before hurrying back up the stairs.

 

It doesn’t seem possible but the pain is worse this time. His vision swims and not for the first time he wonders if he’s going to pass out on the toilet. The pain is making him nauseous, but he knows he won’t throw up, he never does, which is a relief. He leans his head against the wall next to him, hits his fist against his leg in an attempt to distract himself from the pain in his stomach and his ass. Christ, it’s like his whole lower half, minus his legs are on fire. He wraps his arms around his middle and rocks back and forth. It doesn’t help but it’s the only thing he can do. His eyes are watering and his nose is running; a reaction to the extreme pain.

 

It feels like hours, though Danny knows it’s _much_ less when he finally comes out the other side of the pain. He takes a deep breath, cleans himself up, winces at how raw he feels already and readies himself to go back down to Steve. He catches sight of himself in the mirror and hates what he sees. He’s pale and there are dark rings under his eyes and he’s all clammy. But it’s not about what he looks like really, it’s the evidence that his body is a fucking useless piece of shit. What Danny really wants is to go home now, but he knows he can’t risk the trip, if he has to go while he’s still in the car then things are not going to end well. He doesn’t have any more meds with him, used the last he had earlier that day. He still has some at home, but obviously that’s out of the question. The best he can hope for is Steve letting him crash here tonight, and that he’s actually able to sleep. It’ll be a case of pain versus exhaustion, and generally exhaustion wins.

 

This time he can’t help from sort of limping a little because he’s fucking _sore_. Steve jolts out of his seat, worry marring his face.

 

“Sorry,” Danny says again, “Must have eaten something bad.”

 

Steve frowns, and Danny knows why. They’ve been together pretty much 24/7 since the case started, and they’ve eaten together too. It’s a shit lie, but it’s all Danny could come up with. He feels dead on his feet.

 

“Do you mind if I crash here?” Danny asks, unable to look Steve in the eye, “I don’t think I can make the drive.”

 

“Of course,” Steve rushes to say, “You can take the guest room.”

 

Steve leads Danny upstairs to his childhood bedroom and fusses with the sheets before pulling them back and gesturing to Danny for him to get in.

 

“Can I get you anything?” Steve asks as Danny sits on the bed, “Something to sleep in? Water?”

 

“Uh,” Danny says, trying to focus, “Something to sleep in would be great.”

 

Steve returns quickly with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He leaves Danny to change. It takes a little bit for Danny to actually build up the strength, but he eventually gets his clothes off and Steve’s on. He breathes a sigh of relief at the looser clothes. He runs a hand over his face. _God this is so fucked up._

 

There’s a knock on the door and Danny lets Steve know he can come in. Steve’s carrying a glass of water and some painkillers. Danny takes them both from Steve, although he has no intention of taking the pills; they won’t work, they’re just normal headache pills.

 

“Thank you,” Danny says, giving Steve what he hopes is a grateful smile. He can feel his face kind of wobble, too tired to hold the expression. Steve looks pained. Steve reaches out, grabs Danny where his shoulder meets his neck.

 

“If you need anything,” Steve says, “Just let me know.”

 

Danny nods his thanks and Steve leaves him, glancing back as he gets to the door. Danny listens to Steve go back downstairs and lock up. Danny drinks some of the water and puts the glass and bottle of pills down on the table. He’s about to get into bed when he realises he has to go to the toilet again. He can’t summon up any anger anymore, just trudges back to the bathroom with bone deep weariness.

 

By the time he gets back into bed his stomach muscles feel bruised and he almost wants to cry except that would probably just make him feel worse and there is no way in hell that Danny is going to lie in Steve’s old bed and cry. It just feels wrong. He huddles under the duvet, cold despite the warmth of the day still lingering in the air up here. He ends up falling asleep quickly, his body and, quite frankly, his mind stretched to their limits. He can smell Steve all over him. Somehow that helps.

 

+

 

Danny wakes up in the morning feeling a little better. He’s still sore, but it doesn’t hold a candle to how he felt the previous night. Danny gets what he privately calls ‘pain hangovers’. It’s similar to an actual hangover in that he has a headache and he’s queasy. He feels lethargic and weak. It’s probably more like having the flu. He’s lucky it’s a Sunday, so he can spend the day resting.

 

Danny shuffles downstairs to find Steve out on the lanai. Steve jumps to his feet as soon as Danny appears. Steve looks tired, worn out, there are dark circles under his eyes and his mouth is slightly pinched.

 

“Did you get any sleep?” Danny asks, and Steve looks like he can’t decide whether to laugh or be angry.

 

“I should be asking you that question,” Steve replies, clearly trying to sound reprimanding, but falls somewhere in the concerned category.

 

“I slept like a log,” Danny says, “Now answer my question.”

 

“Not much,” Steve admits, “I was worried.”

 

“That’s sweet babe,” Danny says, and he means it, “But I can take care of myself.”

 

Steve nods, “How are you feeling?”

 

Danny’s not lying when he says, “Better” but that doesn’t mean he feels well. Still, Steve looks convinced, which is good, loses the pinched look as his mouth relaxes into a small smile. He puts a hand on Danny’s arm and leads him back into the house.

 

“You up to some breakfast?” Steve asks, already making his way to the kitchen.

 

“Uh thanks, but I should probably get going,” and really, Danny shouldn’t feel so bad for turning down Steve’s offer.

 

“Sure, sure,” Steve says, slipping his hands into his pockets and looking too much like a lost puppy for Danny’s own good.

 

“Hey, I’ll return your clothes to after I’ve washed them, ok?” Danny pulls at the shirt he’s wearing.

 

“It’s no rush, really,” Steve says, his eyes roaming over Danny. It’s clear he likes seeing Danny in his clothes, and Danny needs to get out of there now, because this is heading into dangerous territory and as much as Danny wants it (oh how he wants it) he can’t.

 

“Cool, uh, yeah, I’m gonna go,” Danny says, making a not so graceful exit. He heads back upstairs to fetch his clothes, his phone and keys still in the pocket of his pants.

 

“Thanks,” Danny says again, when he’s back downstairs.

 

“You’re welcome,” Steve’s hand twitches like he wants to reach out.

 

Danny leaves before Steve can say or do anything else and as Danny heads to his car he tries not to feel like this is some kind of bizarre walk of shame. When he gets home he feels a gnawing sense of loneliness descend on him, so he phones Grace while he makes himself breakfast. A simple piece of toast is all he can manage. Grace prattles on about school, (“Did you know the only native mammal in Hawaii is a bat?”) and about her friends, (“Julie’s cat just had kittens and they’re so cute and fluffy but mom won’t let me have one because Stan’s allergic.”) Danny feels marginally better after the call ends.

 

Despite it only being 10 am, Danny crawls into bed after taking his meds and spends most of the day asleep. He misses lunch, which his stomach is _not_ happy about, so he eats supper early and takes another dose of his meds and watches TV until he’s sleepy again. He tries not to think about what his day would have been like if he’d stayed at Steve’s. And if he doesn’t change out of Steve’s clothes all day, there’s no one there to judge him.

 

+

 

Monday morning dawns bright and early and despite all the sleep he got yesterday, Danny’s exhausted. Still, he heads into work like normal; he tries to miss as few days as possible, only takes off when he absolutely has to, which has always been too much anyway. It was only due to him being good at his job that he didn’t get kicked off the force back in Jersey because of all the sick days he’d been forced to take. Besides there’s paperwork to do on the kidnapping case they wrapped up.

 

Steve looks surprised to see him when he enters the office.

 

“How you doing?” he asks, “I thought you’d take the day.”

 

Chin and Kono look concerned, and Danny wonders if Steve told them or if they’re just reacting to Steve’s question.

 

“Nah,” Danny says, “Like I said, probably just ate something funky. Besides, who would do all the paperwork if I wasn’t here?”

 

Kono just grins and Chin says, “It’s just that you do it so well, brah.”

 

Steve laughs, but his eyes still scan Danny, like he’s looking for signs of weakness. Danny gives Steve a reassuring smile and heads into his office to get some work done. He’s battling with heartburn today, has been since breakfast. He tries to ignore it as he starts filling in forms, absentmindedly rubbing at his chest and knocking his knuckles against his sternum because that sometimes helps. When it gets too bad he pulls out a bottle of liquid antacid that he keeps in his desk drawer and drinks it straight from the bottle. Kono walks in just as he’s swallowing.

 

“You alright?” she asks, leaning against the doorframe.

 

“Yeah,” Danny says, screwing the cap back on.

 

“Cool,” Kono smiles, “We caught a new case, boss wants us.”

 

Danny follows her and finds Chin and Steve waiting for them. Chin launches into an explanation about a tip off they got that a Samoan gang was going to receive a shipment of illegal semi-automatics the following day. Danny, focused on Chin, almost misses the look that Kono gives Steve, her eyes darting to Danny and then back. Steve frowns.

 

Danny shifts uncomfortably and tries to focus on what Chin’s saying about where it’s likely the ship is going to dock. Danny tries not to read too much into it; he knows he’s paranoid about people finding out his secret, always feels like he walking around with a neon sign above his head saying ‘IBS’. Maybe there’s something on his face. Maybe Kono looking at him was just a coincidence and whatever she’s silently communicating to McGarrett has nothing to do with him. Danny surreptitiously rubs his hand over his face just in case.

 

After the briefing, Chin and Kono stay in the office, running programs that Danny’s led to believe will help them (Danny’s really not sure how that all works) and checking the schedule for ships meant to dock tomorrow that could contain the weapons. Danny and Steve head out to talk to a CI, someone Kamekona hooked them up with, who might know something about when and where the drop is going to take place.

 

They take Danny’s car, and Steve drives as usual. Danny has given up complaining about it for now. They’re halfway there when Danny’s heartburn makes itself known again, his chest burning so bad it’s hard to breathe. He pops the glove box open and fishes out a tube of chewable antacids. He keeps little stashes of meds everywhere, so he never gets caught off guard, and he refilled his painkiller supply that morning. Danny can see Steve side-eyeing him.

 

“Eyes on the road,” Danny says, before popping two pills in his mouth and chewing them, foam filling his mouth.

 

“Heartburn?” Steve asks, and Danny, mouth still full of foam, just gives him a look.

 

“Hey, I’m just asking,” Steve says, holding his hands up.

 

“Hands on the wheel,” Danny snaps, heart rate spiking and visions of Steve losing control of the car flashing before his eyes. Once both of Steve’s hands are safely back on the wheel, Danny adds, “And your deductive reasoning is astounding, yes I have heartburn.”

 

Steve frowns and says, “You should eat better.”

 

Danny doesn’t have anything to say to that, because anything he could say would lead Steve one step closer to finding out the truth. Instead he huffs and turns his head to look out the side window. Out the corner of his eye he sees Steve frown unhappily.

 

+

 

Kamekona’s connection turns out to be a bust; the guy is less of a Criminal Informant, and more just a criminal. He may have information about Samoan gangs, but he didn’t know anything about the shipment and then tried to sell then fake watches. Danny itches to arrest him for that, but decides the paperwork isn’t worth it.

 

They head back to the office a little disheartened and Danny feels like there’s still lingering tension from what happened before in the car, but maybe that’s just him. They’re in luck when they get back to headquarters though, because Chin and Kono have found what in all probability is their boat. A medium sized fishing trawler, Samoan owned, and while it’s a legit business, the guy who runs it just happens to be the uncle of one of the higher ups in the gang. Add to that the GPS tracking data that Chin pulled from the boat, and they’re fairly certain it’s the boat they’re looking for.

 

It’s due back in port early the next morning, and they coordinate with HPD to make the bust. It all goes surprisingly smoothly; the guys on the boat are actual fishermen and being a routine operation the gang had only sent two guys to pick up the shipments. No one gets shot, Steve doesn’t do anything too crazy, and they make the appropriate arrests without Steve smugly saying “Book ‘em, Danno” (even though Danny’s grown vaguely fond of the way Steve calls him Danno.)

 

Danny’s on his way back to the car when he’s caught off guard by a third gang member that had slipped by them. He’s enormous, much taller than Steve and built like a truck. Danny manages to act fast enough that he can disarm the guy before he can fire any shots, but before Danny can do anything else the guy kicks out and slams his heavily booted foot right into Danny’s bum knee.

 

Danny falls to the ground with a shout, hands clutching at his leg, vision blurring from the pain. A shadow falls over him as the guy looms and there’s no way Danny can defend himself right now. Then Steve’s there and he pistol whips the guy so hard he knocks him out and the guy goes down like a ton of bricks. Danny would have shouted “Timber!” if his world wasn’t so consumed with pain. When he thinks about it later, though, when he’s on the good drugs and has a quiet chuckle to himself.

 

Steve’s hands are on him, checking him over. Danny’s gritting his teeth against the pain and he’s aware of Steve saying, “It’s okay, help’s on the way, I’ve got you. Where are you hurt?”

 

“My knee,” Danny gasps out and suppresses a hiss when Steve’s hands touch his leg.

 

“Anywhere else?” Steve urges, “Danny! Are you hurt anywhere else?”

 

“No,” Danny manages to say, “Just- Just my knee.”

 

“Ok,” Steve says, smoothing a hand over Danny’s hair in a comforting gesture, “Ok, that’s good. Ambulance is on its way.”

 

Steve moves around and gets Danny to relax against him, one arm around Danny’s waist, his other hand in Danny’s hair, fingers raking through it, gently massaging his scalp. The initial pain is fading and as long as he doesn’t move the ache in his knee is just sharp and not blinding. Danny relaxes into Steve and finds himself sort of drifting off; Danny’s never been able to resist being petted, it’s like an instant off switch. It occurs to Danny that Steve’s reaction may be disproportionate to the situation, it’s not like Danny was shot.

 

“You ok?” Danny asks.

 

“Jesus, Danny, really?!” Steve splutters.

 

Danny pats Steve’s hand placatingly, confused by how Steve’s acting, but really enjoying it nonetheless.

 

He’s almost disappointed when the ambulance arrives and as they move him the pain ratchets up again, but then Steve’s there, hand on his face and climbs into the ambulance with him. Danny sees a flash of Chin and Kono’s worried faces before the doors close.

 

Danny remembers the last time he hurt his knee, Steve had called it a ‘boo-boo’ and purposefully walked faster so that it was hard for Danny to keep up. Danny wonders what changed. Maybe it’s just because they’re closer now, or because Steve actually saw Danny get injured. He knew Steve had it in him, had seen him be sympathetic and comforting with witnesses sometimes, but Danny had never considered Steve being like that with him.

 

+

 

The doctor Danny saw at the hospital said he was lucky, that his knee was sprained and extremely bruised but he wouldn’t need surgery. He would have to put in another round of physical therapy and go back to using his cane for six weeks, but there was no reason he wouldn’t make a full recovery. He leaves the hospital with a soft knee brace and a bottle of prescription painkillers, which Danny knows he’ll be needing soon, once whatever the doctor had given him has worn off.

 

Steve drives Danny home, Chin and Kono having dropped Danny’s car off at the hospital. Danny is quiet in the car, a little spaced from the meds and the relief of being mostly pain-free. Steve doesn’t talk either until he pulls up to Danny’s apartment.

 

“Can you make the stairs?” Steve asks, eying Danny’s apartment block disapprovingly.

 

“I made them last time,” is all Danny can say.

 

“Ok,” Steve says, getting out the car, “I’ll walk you up.”

 

Danny doesn’t bother to protest. It’s slow going, the brace on Danny’s knee preventing him from bending it too much and the pain making itself known again. Steve takes Danny’s arm, helping to steady him as he climbs the steps at a snail’s pace. It will be easier once Danny has his cane, which is currently sitting in a cupboard in his apartment.

 

“How did you do this by yourself last time?” Steve asks once they get to Danny’s door.

 

“With difficulty,” Danny replies.

 

“Listen,” Steve says, following Danny into his apartment, “You can come and stay with me if you like, you can sleep downstairs, I’m sure it’ll be better for your knee.”

 

Danny, once he’s gotten over the shock of what Steve is offering, wants to accept. He really, really does. But he knows it would be torture living in the same house as Steve for weeks. Danny really likes domesticity, and he misses it terribly, and if he fell into that kind of routine with Steve he’d only be more in love with him. And nothing has changed, Danny still can’t go there. So as much as his knee and his heart (and his dick) want that, Danny declines Steve’s offer.

 

“At least let me make you supper,” Steve says, pulling the puppy dog eyes on Danny that he is hopeless to resist.

 

“I don’t have much here,” Danny hedges, sitting on the couch and propping up his leg.

 

“That’s ok, I’ll go out and get something,” Steve insists.

 

“Yeah, ok, fine,” Danny finally concedes.

 

“Great, I’ll be back soon,” and with that Steve is out the door.

 

Danny lies back on the couch and waits for his return. When Steve finally does come back it is with two bags, one full of groceries and the other full of Chinese from the place down the road which Danny has always avoided, because fast food Chinese that was more American than anything else, is always too greasy and full of MSG for his stomach to handle. And more authentic Chinese uses oils and sauces that also don’t agree with Danny. In short, Chinese was generally a no-go. Steve fills Danny’s fridge with milk and packs of meat and eggs. He’s also bought some sort of healthy cereal, which Danny knows he’ll never eat because that high fibre stuff always gives him the shits and it tastes like cardboard to boot. He tries not to feel bad about that, he hadn’t _asked_ Steve to buy him groceries.

 

They eat together on the couch, Danny with the knowledge that he’ll be battling heartburn later and maybe diarrhea tomorrow, but he isn’t ungrateful. Steve seems happy, which is good, and after Danny has taken his painkillers and is ready to conk out, Steve lets himself out with a promise to pick Danny up in the morning. Steve takes Danny’s car and that’s… weirdly ok. Huh. Danny quickly deals with his heartburn and then strips down to his boxers and settles down to sleep. He doesn’t bother to pull out the bed, it’s too much effort.

 

+

 

Slowly Danny’s knee heals and prolonged exposure to the pain meds means he’s constipated. While that makes him uncomfortable and bloated and there is a constant ache in his stomach, it is also kind of a godsend. Because while he’s constipated there will be no emergency toilet breaks. Three weeks without a flare-up is like living in paradise. He takes fibre supplements which he knows are gentle and hasn’t had any side-effects from in the past. He’s learnt his lesson about laxatives, and no matter how gentle they claimed to be, he was left in agony for days after taking them. On some days it is almost like having a normal body. Almost. Apart from the pain and the bloating and the constipation. Even though Danny is mostly confined to desk duty at first and once he’s back in the field he still has to take it easy, he is happy. He still doesn’t take any chances with food he knows isn’t safe. The team even goes out a few times and the tension that had been building between them and Danny seems to lessen.

 

But his knee heals and soon it’s time that he doesn’t need to take painkillers anymore. He doesn’t consider taking them anyways, he doesn’t need an addiction problem on top of everything else, but the respite had been nice while it lasted. His body holds out until it’s his next weekend with Grace.

 

Grace had been nagging him for her to see Steve again, so they organise a day at the beach and lunch at some kid friendly restaurant that has paper covering the tables and provides crayons to draw on them.

 

They spend the morning on the beach, Grace running around like a hooligan and Danny fussing over Grace having enough sunscreen on and Steve offering to go in the water with her so Danny doesn’t have to because he still has another two weeks with the cane. It is actually kind of perfect; having Grace with him always makes Danny happy and Steve is so great with his kid that it makes Danny’s heart clench, just a little. It‘s a bit like having a family again.

 

At lunch Grace has a ball drawing on the table and Grace is actually starting to get pretty good at it. Danny has always loved his kid’s drawings, but even so he could admit that there were times in the past when he wasn’t exactly sure what they were of. Grace draws their day at the beach, with added dolphins, and Steve gives a happy laugh when Grace draws him towering over her and Danny like a giant.

 

Grace insists they all get ice-cream for dessert and there is just no way that Danny is saying ‘no’ to her today. Danny normally avoids ice-cream these days, it isn’t guaranteed to cause him problems, but does more times than not. But Danny isn’t thinking about that too much, lulled into a false sense of security by the last few easy weeks he’s had. Watching Steve lick ice-cream off his spoon is a challenge.

 

After their ice-cream, while waiting for Grace to finish her drink, Danny feels an all too familiar cramp low in his stomach. He excuses himself from the table and tries to walk as normally as his knee will allow to the restrooms in the back. He’s relieved to find them empty and quickly locks himself in one of the stalls. He hasn’t missed this pain, which in that moment feels all encompassing. Time passes and the cramps ease up; he just hopes if he’s in for another round it will happen once he’s gotten home.

 

He washes his hands and comes back out, and as he is about to round the corner to their table he hears Grace say to Steve, “Don’t worry, sometimes Danno takes a while, and that’s ok.”

 

“Does it happen often?” Steve asks, and Danny is instantly pissed that Steve is interrogating his daughter about him.

 

Danny comes around the corner trying not to scowl and catches Grace nodding in reply to Steve’s question.

 

“You ready to go, Monkey?” Danny asks, not bothering to sit down.

 

“Sure, Danno,” Grace smiles.

 

“Great, I’ll just settle the check and we’ll get going,” Danny says, finding himself unable to look at Steve.

 

“Thanks for the great day, Uncle Steve,” Grace says, and damn but Grace is a good kid. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

 

They leave the restaurant together before going their separate ways to their cars. Steve hugs Grace goodbye, picking her up and spinning her around as she squeals.

 

“See you at work, Danno,” Steve says, but Danny is already walking away.

 

“Yeah,” Danny throws over his shoulder, taking Grace’s hand and leading her to the car. _God what a shitty end to an otherwise perfect day_ , Danny thinks.

 

+

 

On Monday Steve is normal, too normal, and Danny is awkward. Chin keeps shooting him questioning glances and Kono starts out confused and becomes progressively more annoyed as time goes on. It’s a relief when they get called in for a case.

 

The thing is, Danny knows he shouldn’t be keeping things from Steve. If Steve was just his partner, then maybe, but they’re friends too. Friends with the very real potential to be more, if Danny wasn’t so defective. He wonders how long it will be before Steve gives up on him. Will Danny’s avoidance and refusal to seal the deal push Steve away, or will Steve have to find out his secret first. Steve doesn’t do weak, and that’s what Danny is, according to Rachel. She’d said it in a fight, during the divorce, but that didn’t mean she didn’t mean it. She’d accused him of setting a bad example for Grace. Sometimes he doesn’t agree, sometimes he doesn’t see how having an illness like his would somehow make Grace any less wonderful than she is. Sometimes he doesn’t see how being sick automatically equals weak when he fights hard every day to keep on top of things. But sometimes, like now, it is hard not to agree and if Rachel, the supposed love of his life, the mother of his beautiful child thinks that of him, then he can’t imagine Steve thinking anything different.

 

Human trafficking cases are never a walk in the park. They leave everyone high strung, desperate to resolve the case as quickly as possible. Steve is like a maniac, threatening people left, right and centre, and Danny doesn’t want to stop him. The people they are dealing with don’t deserve to have their rights respected.

 

They have a suspect in the interrogation room that they’re sure is their guy, and before they’d gotten him in he put up a fight and Steve had to punch him a few times. It was a shame about Kono losing control of her leg like that and accidentally kicking him in the nuts while he was gloating about how they’d never find the ‘whore children’ he’d brought over from Asia. Danny is going to go in as the nice cop, the one that threatens you first before beating the living shit out of you. Accidentally.

 

He’s just about to go in when he feels a sharp spasm like a knife in his gut and all he can think is _not now_. He asks Steve the hold the interrogation for a bit, and hurries to the men’s room, hand pressed against his stomach in a futile effort to help the pain. Ten minutes later he is in his office, washing down his meds with water. He knew Chin was watching him, but when he looks up he’s gone. Danny’s pale and sweaty and shaky. He can’t do this interrogation. There was no way the guy in there is going to take him seriously like this, and he can’t just stop mid-questioning to go to the bathroom.

 

Steve appears at his door, “You should go home.”

 

“Yeah,” Danny replies, not even putting up a token argument.

 

“We’ll take care of the interrogation,” Steve brushes his hand down Danny’s arm and he sways as Steve moves away.

 

“Yeah,” is all Danny can say, pocketing his phone and keys, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Sure,” Steve says, clearly not believing him.

 

Danny gets in his car and starts his drive home. Danny feels like a failure. If he can’t do his job then what use is he? It is so damn frustrating to be a slave to his body. His stomach starts cramping again, still a good while from his apartment. He won’t make it there in time, he knows that much. Steve’s place is only a few minutes away, so Danny heads there. Steve had given him a spare set of keys and he knows the alarm code. He doesn’t spare a thought for how unusual that is, there are lots of odd things about his and Steve’s relationship, he’d go crazy if he worried about _all_ of them.

 

Danny pulls into Steve’s driveway with a profound sense of relief. He intends to just do his thing and head back home, but ends up sitting on Steve’s couch afterwards, waiting to see if he’s going to have another bout.

 

Danny wakes up when Steve gets home, not remembering falling asleep at all. It’s already dark out, he must have been asleep for hours. His knee is a bit stiff from the awkward position he’s been lying in.

 

“Danny?” Steve calls out, tone guarded.

 

“Yeah,” Danny replies just as Steve walks into the room.

 

“I thought you were going home,” Steve says, crossing his arms.

 

“Sorry, I, uh, just needed to use the toilet, I guess I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to,” Danny says, getting up and ready to leave.

 

“It’s ok,” Steve says, “Why don’t you stay, have supper with me?”

 

Danny finds himself agreeing, despite, or maybe because of, how exhausted he is. Steve cooks a couple of steaks and throws together a salad and when they sit down to eat Danny fully expects to be interrogated by Steve. Instead Steve tells him about the progress on the case, that after five minutes with Chin their suspect was singing like a canary. Danny smiles and picks at his steak while Steve talks, completely ignoring the salad because it’s on the list of many things that make his life a living hell.

 

“Not hungry?” Steve asks.

 

“No,” Danny mutters.

 

Steve frowns at him but doesn’t say anything more and Danny’s not exactly sure what to do with that. He’s used to Steve ragging on him about how he eats and most of the time it’s a part of their back and forth banter. The other times are when Danny takes it a little too personally because sometimes he feels like all people do is criticize him. That might be a hangover from his time with Rachel. He’s sure she meant well, but even knowing he had IBS she still didn’t _get it_.

 

Steve keeps looking at Danny like he’s expecting Danny to say something. Danny’s not sure what, and it’s making him nervous. Steve finishes his food while Danny chases his half eaten steak around the plate and the silence between them is heavy and unusual. When Steve finally opens his mouth to speak, Danny braces himself. He’s half expecting Steve too call him out, that he’s figured out Danny’s secret. A very, very small, horrible part of Danny expects Steve to tell him he wants Danny off the team, that he’s going back to HPD. He’s definitely not expecting what Steve actually says.

 

“You wanna stay the night?”

 

Danny takes a minute to process the question. Then he takes another minute to decide whether he actually has the strength to say ‘no.’

 

“Yeah,” Danny says. So apparently he didn’t have the strength.

 

“Ok, come on, you look dead on your feet,” Steve says, standing.

 

He locks up quickly and then leads Danny upstairs. Danny expects to be herded into the guest bedroom, but finds himself in Steve’s bedroom instead. Steve hands Danny the same clothes he borrowed last time and then starts to strip and Danny’s really not sure where this is going and he feels like his heart is in his throat. Steve strips down to his underwear before putting his pajamas on and climbing into bed. He looks at Danny expectantly and Danny follows suit. He’s too tired to try and figure this out. Danny gets into the other side of Steve’s bed and Steve flicks off the lights. Danny lies there, stiff and awkward and wondering if he’ll actually be able to sleep with Steve so close.

 

“Danny?” Steve says after a few minutes.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Danny feels Steve shift slightly.

 

“Is this thing between us ever going to happen?” Steve asks, his voice soft.

 

Danny expected, that if Steve ever brought their not-quite-happening relationship up, that it would be in a fight. That Steve would get tired of waiting and get all up in Danny’s face and force a confession out of him. He never thought Steve would be this gentle, this vulnerable.

 

“I don’t know,” Danny whispers back. He can’t say anything else and it’s the truth. He has no idea what’s going to happen between them. Sometimes it feels inevitable that they’ll end up together, and yet every chance Danny’s had to take it a step further, he’s backed off.

 

“Okay,” Steve says, and Danny’s surprised when Steve inches up to Danny and rests his head on Danny’s chest, arm flung over Danny’s middle and his knees pressed into Danny’s thigh.

 

“Okay,” Steve says again, and seems to settle.

 

Danny links his hand with Steve’s and pulls his arm so that it lies more across his chest. He does it half because he wants Steve to know that Danny cares about him, that he isn’t alone; Danny’s in this too. And half because the pressure of Steve’s arm across his stomach was causing him far too much pain.

 

They fall asleep like that, Steve cuddled up to Danny and Danny holding Steve’s hand, pulling him close.

 

+

 

When Danny wakes up it’s early in the morning and he’s alone. The other side of the bed is cold and it’s obvious Steve’s been gone a while. Danny finds Steve downstairs, hair wet and cheeks a little pink, wearing wet boardshorts and a t-shirt he clearly put on after his swim. Danny wonders how long Steve’s been up.

 

The vulnerability of last night is gone and Steve’s back to his normal, self-assured state of being. The change in pace puts Danny on the back foot, but ultimately, it’s par for the course. They’ve been back and forth like this for months, skirting the relationship question, becoming more intimate and then pulling back.

 

Steve offers Danny breakfast, but Danny declines, still not feeling too hot and unsure whether Steve has anything on offer that he can actually eat. Steve frowns but doesn’t argue. What he does do is suggest Danny take the day off. Danny’s more than tempted; he still feels like shit and his abdominal muscles feel bruised from the cramping yesterday and he’s tired, so damn tired. But Danny knows Steve’s worried, knows that he’s given Steve and Chin and Kono more than enough reason to be suspicious, and he needs to do something to alleviate that. If he acts like everything is normal (and really, everything _is_ normal, at least for Danny, he’s been living with this for so long he’s not even sure what healthy feels like anymore) but maybe then he’ll give them reason to not want to look further.

 

So Danny goes home to change and then heads into work and acts like it’s any other day. Steve, thankfully, is acting like everything is normal too, and while at first Chin and Kono look varying degrees of worried, eventually normalcy settles over them too.

 

+

 

The thing is, while Danny’s mind is willing, his body most definitely is not and over the next few weeks Danny’s not sure he goes a single day without pain. He takes his meds when he feels he can, when being spaced out will hopefully go unnoticed and it won’t interfere with his job. He replaces more meals with Ensure than is probably healthy and he knows he’s losing weight. Even when he manages to eat actual food he finds he can’t eat much because his acid reflux is playing up and eating just ends up making him feel nauseous. His body makes up for the weight loss by making him bloated though, so there’s that. It’s annoying as hell and Danny ends up forgoing wearing a belt completely to avoid too much pressure on his stomach and he’s sure he’s caught Steve looking at his stomach more than once which only makes Danny feel more self-conscious.

 

Still, Danny does his work like normal, they catch the bad guys, Danny moans at Steve, they go out for after work drinks every now and then. If you ask Danny, everything’s going well, even if he’s fucking exhausted.

 

They’re on the way to a crime scene when Danny gets a phone call from Rachel.

 

“To what do I owe this pleasure,” Danny answers the phone, trying not to put too much vitriol into his voice.

 

“ _Daniel,”_ Rachel replies, “ _Grace said she had a great time with you this weekend…”_

“Yeah, well, we always have fun,” Danny says warily.

 

“ _But she said she thought you looked sick,”_ Rachel continues, and Danny can’t help but glance at Steve who is wearing a polite, totally-trying-not-to-listen-to-your-private-conversation-even-though-it’s-impossible face.

 

“I’m fine,” Danny responds, trying to make it sound like it’s in reply to an every day “how are you?” question.

 

“ _Grace is really worried about you,”_ Rachel presses, and Danny wonders if the concern he can hear in her voice is more for Grace than for him. Their relationship, such that it is, has thawed a bit lately, but Danny isn’t sure they’ll ever get to cordial.

 

“You know how it is with me,” Danny hedges, because Steve is right fucking there and Danny really does not need to be having this conversation in front of him.

 

“ _Danny,”_ Rachel sighs his name, and Danny tries not to be instantly angry because so many of their fights had started with her saying his name like that, “ _Are you seriously going to let this illness get the better of you? You’re scaring your daughter.”_

And Danny’s angry. He can’t help it, because he isn’t ‘ _letting’_ IBS get the better of him, he’s coping the only way he knows how. The idea that it’s upsetting Grace kind of makes him want to drive his car off a cliff, but he before he resorts to drastic measures he figures maybe he should have a conversation with Grace, try to alleviate her fears.

 

Danny clenches his hand into a fist and takes a deep breath. He needs to respond to Rachel in a way that isn’t going to have Steve asking questions. Sometimes Danny really fucking hates his life.

 

“I’ll take care of it,” Danny says, through gritted teeth. He can hear Rachel draw a breath like she’s about to speak and Danny knows it can’t be anything good, so he cuts her off, “Look, I can’t talk now. Work. I’ll deal with it.”

 

He hangs up on her before she can argue and he knows he’ll be paying for that sometime in the future, but Steve’s already frowning at him and dealing with an angry Rachel is better than the possibility of Steve finding out.

 

“What was that about?” Steve asks.

 

“Just…” Danny flounders, “Ex-wife stuff.”

 

“Ex-wife stuff, really Danny?” Steve doesn’t try to hide his scepticism.

 

“Yeah. Ex-wife stuff. Do you have an ex-wife that I don’t know about? No? Then you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.”

 

Steve backs off at that, and when they get to the crime scene they’re both in work mode and the conversation is all but forgotten.

 

+

 

The next weekend Danny has Grace he takes her to Kamekona’s for some shave-ice and talks to her about his IBS. He and Rachel had never explicitly told Grace about it, Danny because he thought Grace was too young to understand before this and he suspects Rachel never bothered because she thought one day Danny would just magically get better.

 

Danny doesn’t bother with the technical side of things; he thinks that would probably just scare her. All he tells Grace is that sometimes her Danno doesn’t feel too good after eating certain things and compares it to the time Grace caught a stomach bug.

 

“You feel like that all the time?” Grace asks.

 

“Yeah, pretty much,” Danny says and suddenly he’s got a lap full of little girl, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

 

“I’m sorry Danno,” Grace whispers, and he can hear a waver in her voice that means tears.

 

“Hey, hey, monkey, it’s alright,” Danny says, stroking her hair, “It’s not that bad.”

 

It kind of _is_ that bad, but there’s no way Danny’s letting his kid know that. Danny pulls back so he can look at Grace’s face, and he was right, her eyes are watery.

 

“I don’t want you worrying about me, ok sweetheart?” Danny says, giving her cheek a playful pinch in an effort to make her laugh. Instead she just looks sad and Christ this kid is breaking his fucking heart. “Come one, show me that beautiful smile,” Danny encourages.

 

“I want you to move in with Uncle Steve,” Grace says, and it takes Danny a moment to process it.

 

“What?” Danny says, and ok, he needs more than a moment.

 

“If you can’t move in with Mommy and me because of Step-Stan, then I want you to move in with Uncle Steve so that someone can look after you,” Grace says, face getting that determined edge that Danny is often helpless to resist. But there’s no way what Grace is demanding can happen.

 

“I don’t need looking after, I’m fine on my own,” Danny tries to reassure her. The idea of Steve looking after him is absurd at best.

 

“Everyone needs looking after when they’re sick,” Grace insists.

 

Danny totally doesn’t have tears in his eyes. Nope. Except that this is probably the most sympathetic someone has _ever_ been with him, and it’s his fucking 9 year old daughter and she should not even _be_ in this situation. Danny pulls Grace in for another hug.

 

“That’s really sweet, honey, but it’s different for adults, we can look after ourselves,” Danny say, rubbing her back.

 

“Stan and mommy look after each other when they’re sick,” Grace argues. And really, that should not feel so much like a stab to the heart.

 

“It’s nice to have someone to care for you, but that doesn’t mean I _need_ it,” Danny answers as diplomatically as he can. Although, really, being cared for would be really nice. To be fair, Rachel had tried at first, but she’d never really understood what having IBS meant. She kept expecting him to miraculously get better and he never did. Danny’s pretty sure his IBS played a big role in the breakdown of his marriage. He still has days where he’s pretty bitter about that.

 

“I love you, Daddy,” Grace whispers, hugging Danny tighter.

 

“That’s all I need,” Danny says with a smile, “Danno loves you too, Monkey.”

 

They finish their shave-ice and when they leave Kamekona gives Danny an odd look, but doesn’t pay it much attention; Kamekona is always like that with hoales, even if he and Danny are getting along better.

 

+

 

Danny drops Grace off at Rachel’s on Sunday afternoon and apparently his luck hasn’t improved because by the time he gets back home his stomach is cramping again and Danny really resents the fact that even when he’s sticking to all his safe foods and keeping his stress levels down, he still ends up having flare-ups. He forgoes his meds, as he has done all weekend. He really doesn’t want to become too dependant on them, and they’re expensive to boot.

 

Danny, yet again, has Ensure for supper, then strips down to his boxers and watches TV until he’s tired enough to sleep. He’s up every ten to fifteen going to the toilet until exhaustion finally takes over, spending the time in between curled up on his side, hands cradling his stomach, wondering whether deciding not to take painkillers was wise.

 

Danny wakes up later than usual because he forgot to set his alarm, and it takes less than five minutes for his stomach to make itself known again. He’s supposed to pick Steve up for work which, yeah, is _not_ going to happen, there’s no way Danny is leaving the toilet any time soon. And just to make his life better, Danny is almost out of toilet paper. Hopefully his stomach will behave long enough for Danny to get the convenience store down the road, because otherwise things are going to get pretty awkward.

 

Danny’s phone rings in the next room and he can’t get to it. He’s not sure what the exact time is, but he wouldn’t be surprised if that was Steve calling him to ask him where he is. But Steve will have to wait, because Danny’s not leaving the toilet anytime soon; the cramps just not letting up.

 

It’s a while before Danny makes it out of the bathroom. He’s sore and tired, has a splitting headache and he’s cold despite the fact that it’s already a warm day. He wraps a blanket around himself and ignores the fact that his hands shake a bit as he reaches for his cell phone. His body is in pain overload at the moment, a bit more sleep and he’ll be better. He’s about to phone Steve when he hears a rattle at his front door and reaches for his gun, but when Steve appears from behind the door Danny sets his gun down again.

 

Danny realizes he must look pretty pathetic in nothing but his boxers and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He’s pale and sweaty and shivering. Danny pulls the blanket tighter around him. He doesn’t want Steve to see him like this.

 

“Danny,” Steve says, arms crossed and voice clipped.

 

“Steve,” Danny answers, and Jesus he’d really like to sit down but he knows he won’t be able to hide his wince if he does.

 

Steve huffs, and yup, he’s definitely got aneurism face. This isn’t going to end well, Danny can tell.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Steve cuts straight to the chase.

 

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Danny hedges, but really he’s almost too tired to play this game.

 

“Cut the bullshit, Danny,” Steve all but shouts, and Danny doesn’t think he’s ever heard Steve sound this angry before, certainly not directed at Danny. This is nothing like the arguments they’ve had before. “You think I haven’t noticed that something’s been going on with you lately? You’re losing weight and you’re pale, Christ, how many times in the past few months have you been sick? We’ve all seen you popping those pills Danny; Chin, Kono and I. I know you’ve been lying to me. That call from Rachel? And then I get a call from Kamekona yesterday saying you told Gracie something yesterday that made her cry? So what is it, Danno, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

 

Steve’s breathing a little heavily and his face is slightly pink now, posture rigid, shoulders almost up around his ears.

 

“I…” Danny hesitates. He can’t keep this from Steve anymore, but he’s been keeping it a secret for so long he doesn’t know how to start.

 

“Yes,” Danny says in answer to Steve’s question.

 

Steve sags then, like a puppet cut from its strings, and the anger melts off his face so quickly it takes Danny a second to identify the emotion that replaces it. But fuck, Steve looks terrified.

 

“Is it-” Steve stops to clear his throat, “Is it cancer?”

 

“What, no no, it’s not… Jesus,” Danny chokes out. He can’t believe that was the conclusion that Steve jumped to and he’s torn between incredulous and guilty because _that’s_ what Steve’s been suspecting?

 

“Then what? There’s Ensure on the counter, why are you taking that?” Steve says and fuck but there are actually fucking tears in his eyes and Danny feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world. He also thinks he should have remembered to put the Ensure way.

 

“Look, babe, I’m sorry I’m freaking you out, it’s really not that serious,” Danny tries to reassure Steve.

 

“It looks serious. Fuck Danny you look like death,” Steve’s reaching for Danny now, his hands clasping over Danny’s shoulders.

 

“I’m sorry,” Danny says again, and he really needs to sit down soon.

 

“Danny, I swear to God, if you don’t tell me I will phone Chin and have him look up your medical records,” Steve’s hands tighten on Danny’s shoulders.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Danny says, trying to pull away from Steve’s grip, but Steve hangs on.

 

“Then _tell me_ ,” Steve begs.

 

“It’s just… It’s embarrassing,” Danny says, and Steve just waits for him to continue, “It’s, uh, it’s called Irritable Bowel Syndrome.”

 

Steve’s face is blank. “I don’t know what that is,” Steve says, and his eyebrows inch towards each other.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, suddenly calm now that he’s actually said it, “Can we sit?”

 

Steve nods and keeps a hand on Danny while they move to sit on Danny’s bed. Danny tries to hide his wince as he sits, but judging by Steve’s face he’s failed spectacularly.

 

“So, uh, some doctors think that it’s a nervous system thing, where the communication between the, you know, gastro-intestinal tract and the brain gets all screwy,” Danny glances at Steve and Steve’s got the face on that is usually reserved for briefings.

 

“But that doesn’t really matter,” Danny continues, “Basically what it means is pain. Pretty much all the time. Eating hurts and not eating hurts worse, and eating certain foods make my life a living hell so obviously I try to avoid those.”

 

Steve’s hand’s resting on Danny’s forearm now, and he gives Danny a squeeze.

 

“And, um, I get diarrhea which is bad,” Danny finishes lamely, and this ranks as one of the most awkward conversations of his life, even though he’s pretty much doing all the talking. If Steve asks him to explain further Danny’s not sure what he’ll do.

 

Steve’s quiet for a while, and still so when he finally moves his hand from Danny’s arm Danny almost jumps.

 

Steve runs his hand over his face and says, “Wow. I’m relieved you’re not dying, but that’s- that’s crap, man.”

 

Steve winces at his choice of words but it breaks the tension and Danny can’t help but give a small laugh.

 

“That it is, my friend,” he says with a smile.

 

“So is there anything you can do?” Steve asks, and Danny can see him already strategizing and he’s not sure whether to be touched or scared.

 

“Not really,” Danny says, “I stay away from food I know causes me trouble, I’ve got meds that I take when things get really bad. That’s pretty much it.”

 

“Ok,” Steve says, “That’s- ok.”

 

“Hey listen,” Danny says after a moment, “I’m not going to make it into to work today.”

 

It feels weird to suddenly be saying something so normal, but at the same time it’s good.

 

“Of course,” Steve replies, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

Danny doesn’t really want to ask Steve to do this, but the growing pain in his stomach tells him he’s run out of time to do it himself.

 

“Yeah, um, would you mind running to the store and getting me toilet paper? I’m almost out and I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make the trip myself.”

 

“Sure, no problem,” Steve hops up, clearly happy that there’s something for him to do, “I’ll be right back.”

 

Minutes after Steve’s gone Danny is back on the toilet, arms clasped around his stomach and since he’s not going in to work he decides as soon as he’s able he’s taking those damn pills because he can’t take much more of this.

 

He hears Steve come back and he calls out, “Danny?”

 

“In here,” Danny groans, and seriously, if he thought he was embarrassed before it’s nothing compared to this because the walls in Danny’s apartment are thin and it’s one thing to tell your friend you get diarrhea and a whole other thing for them to hear it.

 

Steve waits a beat before he asks, “You need the T.P now?”

 

Danny looks at the meagre amount of toilet paper left of the roll.

 

“Um, yeah,” Danny says, grateful that because he lives alone he always leaves the door unlocked even though he feels utterly humiliated.

 

“Alright, I’m just gonna chuck it in. Cool?” Steve calls through the door.

 

“Yeah, fine,” Danny answers.

 

The door opens a crack and Steve sticks his hand through with a toilet roll. He throws it at Danny with remarkable aim for someone who is not looking.

 

“Thanks,” Danny says, catching the roll.

 

When Danny comes out of the bathroom he knows his face is flamed red and he can’t quite meet Steve’s eyes. Steve’s sitting on Danny’s bed, body language open and relaxed. Danny, still in his blanket, pulls it tighter again and sits next to him.

 

“You know,” Steve says casually, “This one time I was in this place that I can’t tell you about because it’s classified…”

 

Danny can’t help but say, “Well that’s a great story, babe, thanks for that.”

 

“Anyway,” Steve carries on, “We were assured our water supply was clean, but it wasn’t. So, we’re in the middle of… nowhere. The jungle. And we all, the whole team, get sick at pretty much the same time. I’m talking uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea, worst I’ve ever had, no toilets, no privacy. No toilet paper. It was a mess. The entire team was out for the count, and after a few hours of it just. Not. Stopping. I called for a medevac. Mission aborted because we were all dehydrated and couldn’t even drink the water we had because that’s what made us sick in the first place. The thing is, being in the Navy pretty much killed most privacy issues for me, but that experience took care of the rest. Once you’ve shit yourself in front of your men, there’s not much that can still embarrass you.”

 

“Wow,” Danny says, stunned, “That was a disgusting story.”

 

“Thanks,” Steve says, bumping his shoulder into Danny’s, “I tell you my most embarrassing story and you mock me. That’s just great.”

 

Danny smiles and bumps Steve back.

 

“I guess what I’m trying to say,” Steve says a little more seriously, “Is please don’t be embarrassed. Not me with.”

 

“Yeah, ok,” Danny says, although he’s not sure you can just turn embarrassment off. Still, Danny appreciates the sentiment and hearing Steve’s story has kind of levelled the playing field a bit. Danny doesn’t feel as exposed now.

 

“You had breakfast?” Steve asks.

 

“Nah, not yet,” Danny says, and notices how Steve frowns, “I’ll probably just grab another Ensure, I’m not feeling up to more.”

 

“So, the weight loss?” Steve asks, mouth sort of pinched.

 

“Yeah,” Danny says, trying to suppress the knee jerk response of annoyance that happens every time someone talks to him about what he eats. A life time of people judging you for not being able to eat certain things does that to a person.

 

Steve leaves for work after making sure Danny doesn’t need anything else and Danny’s positive that Steve is going to spend the day researching IBS and that Chin and Kono are going to find out, either because Steve will outright tell them, or they’ll see Steve acting squirrelly and get it out of him themselves. Danny’s not exactly comfortable with them knowing, but he also knows that they’ve been worried about him and he feels bad about that.

 

Steve texts Danny in the afternoon to say he’s coming over after work and he’s bringing supper and Danny’s grateful for the company after spending the day drifting in and out of sleep. Thankfully it seems the flare-up is winding down and he changes into a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt. He notices Steve’s double-take when Danny lets him in, which is kind of ridiculous given that Steve saw him in nothing but boxers only a few hours before.

 

Steve bakes some chicken breasts for supper with a simple seasoning “So it won’t be too hard on your stomach” and makes mashed potato for the same reason. He offers to make a salad but Danny declines.

 

“It that one of your trigger foods? Have you kept a food diary?” Steve asks, and yeah, Danny was so right about Steve doing research.

 

“Yeah, pretty much all fruit and vegetables are a no-no for me. And no, I haven’t kept a food diary,” Danny answers.

 

“How do you know for sure if you haven’t kept a food diary?” Steve asks, making a small salad for himself.

 

“I went undiagnosed for a long time, so I’d pretty much learned what all my trigger foods were before I even knew I had IBS,” Danny explains, taking out plates and knifes and forks.

 

“Ok,” Steve says, “So no fruit or vegetables at all? That can’t be healthy.”

 

“I can eat pumpkin,” Danny concedes, “I take vitamin tablets though, to supplement.”

 

“Hmm,” Steve hums his acknowledgement as he checks on the chicken in the oven, “I think this is done.”

 

They sit down to eat, Steve’s plate overflowing with salad, two chicken breasts and a fair sized serving of mashed potato. Danny’s plate looks pathetic in comparison, there must be only about two mouthfuls of mash and he chose the smallest chicken breast. He sees Steve frown at him.

 

“I can’t eat too much in one go,” Danny explains, “Being full just hurts me, makes me feel sick.”

 

“Ok,” Steve says, “So… pineapple huh?”

 

Danny laughs, “Yeah.”

 

“Why didn’t you just say you couldn’t eat it?” Steve asks between mouthfuls.

 

“Because A) Putting pineapple on pizza _is_ an abomination, whether I can eat pineapple or not,” Danny makes his point by stabbing the air with his fork, “and B) if I say I can’t eat something people tend to ask why and there’s only so many times I can say I’m allergic to things. Plus I don’t really like lying.”

 

“Yeah, you just like keeping things from the people closest to you,” Steve says, the anger from this morning making an appearance again.

 

“Look,” Danny says, laying his fork down, “I didn’t do that to hurt you. And I’m really sorry you jumped to conclusions and thought I had some life threatening illness.”

 

“Hey!” Steve says, “That conclusion was warranted!”

 

“Ok,” Danny says, hands up in semi-surrender, “But the reason I don’t tell anybody is because it’s really personal and none of their business,” Danny sees Steve open his mouth to argue, “ _And_ because people treat you differently when they find out you’re sick. I didn’t want that.”

 

“I’m not treating you differently,” Steve insists.

 

“Maybe. I admit you’re handling it a lot better than I thought you would,” Danny picks up his fork and pops another piece of chicken into his mouth.

 

“What do you mean?” Steve asks, looking a little offended.

 

“Nothing,” Danny says, unwilling to go into the whole Steve-might-think-he’s-weak thing. Danny expected Steve to withdraw if he found out, but so far that hasn’t happened. Danny’s not sure how much that means though, Rachel tried in the beginning and she’s not a bad person, but she got tired of it, ran out of sympathy. Danny doesn’t think badly of Steve either, but that doesn’t mean Steve’s suddenly going to give Danny the sympathy he craves. But then, Danny doesn’t ever expect that to happen from anyone, so what does it matter?

 

“I dunno,” Danny says, “Look, can we talk about something else for a bit?”

 

Steve doesn’t look happy but lets it drop. They finish their meal in relative silence, Steve briefly telling Danny what he missed at work (paperwork mostly, and Kono telling some story about a great wave she caught that pretty much goes over Danny’s head).

 

They’ve cleaned up the kitchen and are sitting next to each other on the couch with a beer each when Steve asks, “So, now that your secret’s out, you think you’re ready to give us a chance? Like, a relationship”

 

Danny just manages to stop himself from spraying beer all over the place and swallows difficultly. Then he puts his beer of the table for extra safety. Steve puts his beer down too, and turns towards Danny.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Danny replies, because even though Steve now knows he has IBS, Danny’s still scared. He’s happy too, that Steve wants something more long term, but he’s scared. He’s afraid that things with Steve will go the same way they did with Rachel, that Steve will just get too frustrated with him. He’s scared about what their change in relationship would mean for work. Danny has so few things that are good in his life, Grace and work and Steve. That’s it. He can’t bare the thought of losing any one of those things. He just doesn’t know how to say that to Steve.

 

“Look,” Steve says, his eyes locked on Danny’s, “If you don’t want this, us, then fine, I’ll leave it. I won’t bring it up again. But if you do, then I need you to tell me, because I have no idea what’s keeping us apart anymore.”

 

“I do want you,” Danny’s mouth is saying before his brain has given it permission.

 

A grin cracks across Steve’s face. “So?” he says eagerly, but Danny can see in Steve’s eyes how afraid he is too. Danny remembers how vulnerable Steve sounded that night in Steve’s bed and for some reason that gives Danny hope, realizing he’s not the only one putting it all on the line.

 

“Fuck, babe,” Danny says before pulling Steve towards him and kissing him because Danny’s never been one to run scared and that’s just what he’s been doing since he got to Hawaii. Things might not work out with Steve, but there’s also a chance that they will, and Danny may be a worrier, but that’s never stopped him before.

 

Steve gasps into Danny’s mouth and then he’s got one hand on Danny’s cheek and the other sneaking up his back, grasping Danny’s t-shirt. Steve kisses like it’s a tactical manoeuvre; every press of lips and slide of tongue is like it’s designed to drive Danny completely crazy. Danny’s got his hands under Steve’s shirt and his fingers are digging into Steve’s back. Fuck Danny’s missed this, touching someone and being touched and not denying himself. It’s been too long.

 

Steve tips Danny back onto the couch and covers Danny’s body with his own. He tears his lips away from Danny’s and Danny is about to protest when Steve starts kissing his neck. Danny shudders. Danny’s neck has always been sensitive, but between Steve’s soft lips and scratchy stubble Danny thinks he might actually be in danger of coming in his pants.

 

It’s intense and Steve’s overwhelming, his lips and tongue and teeth doing clever little things on his neck while his fingers sneak beneath the waistband of Danny’s boxers and stroke the soft flesh where his hips meet his legs and it sends shivers up Danny’s spine. It’s amazing that such a simple touch can do that and Danny wonders if it’s because it’s been so long since he’s had sex or if it’s because it’s _Steve_.

 

Next time Danny will do his best to give as good as he gets, but for now he’s happy to lie back and just feel. Steve’s hands dig themselves under Danny’s shirt, stroke up Danny’s sides. Steve’s full weight is on Danny, chest to chest, and fuck but it feels amazing to have Steve so _there._ Danny’s cock is pressed firmly into Steve’s stomach and Danny doesn’t mind that it’s not getting more attention right now because he’s so close to coming as it is.

 

Danny gets a leg between Steve’s and bends his knee so his thigh is pushing against Steve’s erection and Danny’s gratified when Steve sucks in a breath and his hips buck. Steve uses his hands to push himself up then and Danny’s sad to lose Steve’s weight, but then Steve lining up their hips, his thigh pressing into Danny the way Danny’s thigh is pressing into him. Steve rolls his hips, slow and sensuously and Danny is on the edge, so close. Danny’s hands go to Steve’s face, runs his thumbs over Steve’s cheeks before burying his hands in Steve hair. He can’t believe Steve’s here, that they’re actually doing this.

 

Danny pulls Steve down for a kiss, trying to communicate his wonderment, his need to know that this is real. Steve’s kisses are messy now, his mouth slackening as pleasure overrides technique but Danny doesn’t mind, too caught up in the all the sensations. Then Steve does this swivel thing with his hips and that’s Danny done. He fists Steve’s hair as he comes, his whole body going taught and twitching. He sucks in a deep breath as his orgasm tapers off and opens his eyes to find Steve staring at him, eyes wide like he’s just seen something absolutely amazing. Danny’s not entirely sure, but by the heat in his cheeks he thinks he’s blushing.

 

“Come on, babe,” Danny says, undoing Steve’s pants and sneaking his hand into Steve’s underwear. He takes Steve in his hand and he barely gets a rhythm going before Steve’s coming. Steve bites his lip and screws up his eyes and the most delicious guttural sound escapes his throat and Danny’s cock gives a valiant twitch and he’s pretty sure that if he hadn’t already come, hearing the sound Steve just made would have pushed him over the edge.

 

Steve settles back and Danny withdraws his hand. He’s got Steve’s come on his wrist and hand, and for a second contemplates tasting it, but decides there’ll be time for that later. Instead he just wipes it off on his own shirt, because he’s a gentleman like that. Danny’s own come is starting to cool in his boxers and he’s uncomfortable and sticky and even though he feels like he’s about two seconds on passing out he knows he needs to deal with that now or he’ll seriously regret it in the morning.

 

“Shower?” Danny suggests and Steve smiles and climbs off the couch before helping Danny up too.

 

Danny’s pretty useless after orgasm and he’s grateful that they’re showering together because he’s in danger of falling asleep right there. Steve is apparently one of those weird energetic people after sex, which doesn’t surprise Danny one bit and in this instance it’s helpful because Steve’s keeping Danny upright. Even if Steve does laugh when Danny’s hair gets wet and it ends up covering his face. Steve helps Danny wash, sucking kisses into Danny’s neck as he does and Danny at least has the presence of mind to mutter, “Hey, no hickeys.” But when Steve whines unhappily Danny relents, “At least where people can see them.”

 

But Steve backs off then, because they’re both clean and Danny is clearly exhausted. They manage to get themselves dry and Steve pulls out the bed. He bundles Danny in and then climbs in after him, wrapping himself around Danny like an octopus. It feels strange for Danny to not be wearing anything to bed, the last time that happened was before Grace was born because having a young kid meant never knowing when she was going to come into his and Rachel’s bedroom. The habit kind of stuck. It’s been less of a long time since he slept wrapped up with someone like this, but still too long.

 

Danny can practically feel Steve vibrating against him and it’s the only thing stopping him from drifting off to sleep.

 

“You gonna sleep?” Danny asks.

 

“Yep,” Steve replies, unconvincingly.

 

Danny pulls Steve closer.

 

“Sshhh, s’alright. So good. We are so good, babe,” Danny slurs, and he’s not entirely sure what he’s even trying to say, but Steve seems to get it because he relaxes against Danny.

 

Danny falls asleep with a smile on his face.

 

+

 

The next day Danny’s nervous about what their changed relationship will mean for work. Steve tries to reassure him between kisses that nothing will change which isn’t all that reassuring. But when they get to work Steve acts just like normal and Danny finds himself relaxing. Chin is already there and he gives Danny a knowing look. It takes Danny a second to realize that it’s because Chin knows he has IBS and not about his and Steve’s relationship. Although maybe that too. Danny searches Chin face for any sign of judgement but finds none. Chin gives Danny a nod.

 

When Kono comes in she goes straight to Danny’s office and once again anxiety sits heavily in the pit of Danny’s stomach.

 

“So Steve told us you have IBS,” Kono starts.

 

“Yeah,” Danny says, and it’s still weird for him, not trying to hide it.

 

“I’m really sorry, Danny. I have a friend who has Spastic Colon, it’s the same thing right? I know how much she suffers with it. It really sucks, bruh,” and then Kono’s pulling him into a hug and Danny finds himself returning it bewilderedly.

 

He catches sight of Steve, lurking near his office with the biggest, goofiest grin he’s ever seen. It takes up most of Steve’s smug little face. Danny finds he doesn’t really mind.

 

+

 

Steve invites Danny to stay over that night, which Danny agrees to readily. While during the day keeping things professional was pretty easy, as it started winding down Danny couldn’t keep his mind from wondering. The main topic on his mind being Steve and all the things Danny wanted to do with him.

 

They stop at the store to buy groceries on the way home and Steve takes it as an opportunity to ask Danny about what he can and can’t eat. Danny’s surprised to find Steve more interested than judgemental. It’s refreshing. Danny notices Steve buys a lot of pumpkin. They swing by Danny’s place to get a change of clothes for tomorrow before heading to Steve’s.

 

Steve cooks them supper, something both delicious and safe which Danny really appreciates. He does get the feeling that Steve is trying to fatten him up a bit, but Danny doesn’t mind. As per usual they end up on the couch watching TV and it’s amazing how normal it is. But then, Danny thinks, they’ve kind of been acting like they were in a relationship anyway, now they’ve just added sex. Which is good, comforting, because Danny knows they’re at least somewhat compatible.

 

Danny leans over and kisses Steve just because he can. Steve grins against his mouth as he returns the kiss, deep and slow. It’s not enough for Danny though; he wants more. Danny moves so that he’s straddling Steve, sits up on his knees over Steve’s lap enjoying the height advantage while he can, before his knee starts complaining. He’s got one arm draped over Steve’s back and the other hand cupping Steve’s face, thumb scraping over two day-old stubble. God, Danny doesn’t think he will ever get tired of kissing Steve. His mouth is addictive and Danny finds himself wanting to climb inside it.

 

Steve’s stroking his hands through Danny’s hair and Danny knows that Steve’s enjoying messing it up, but he can’t find it in him to complain. Firstly because that would mean having to stop kissing Steve, and secondly because it feels so damn good. Danny struggles to stay focused and is almost relieved when Steve’s hands start travelling down his back. While Danny would happily lie back and let Steve play with his hair and rub his head for hours, Danny has plans tonight. Plans that involve him taking control.

 

Steve’s hands slide further down Danny’s back and slip beneath his waistband, palming Danny’s ass. And ok, it feels really good, but it also causes a bit of a problem. It’s not that he has the usual hang-ups about anal sex, it’s just that he really can’t trust his body and people going near his ass in sex makes him nervous. And thinking about his IBS while he’s trying to get it on isn’t conducive to well, getting it on.

 

Danny climbs off of Steve and Steve’s forced to remove is hands from Danny’s pants. Steve looks like he’s about to protest when Danny gets to his knees in front of him and starts to undo his pants. Steve’s eyes go wide and he licks his lips and Danny just can’t wait to make Steve lose it. Steve lifts up his hips so Danny can pull his pants and underwear off.

 

Danny runs his hands up Steve’s strong thighs and feels the muscles bunch as he gets closer to Steve’s cock. Danny looks his fill, wanting to commit this to memory because it’s still kind of surreal, that he gets to do this, and he and Steve are finally together. Steve’s cock twitches and Danny can’t stop himself, he has to taste. He puts his hands around Steve’s hips, thumbing the soft skin there. He leans forward and takes Steve into his mouth.

 

Steve gives a muffled moan and Danny glances up to see Steve’s fist in his mouth. Danny sucks Steve down as far as his gag-reflex will allow and tongues at Steve’s cock. Danny loves this, the feel and flavour, the musky smell, making his lover feel good. Danny’s knee is going to hurt like a bitch when he finally gets up and it will be so worth it.

 

Danny moves a hand to palm Steve’s balls, rolling them back and forth while he sucks Steve’s cock like his life depends on it. Steve buries his hands in Danny’s hair and Danny can’t help but moan. He can feel Steve quiver with the need to thrust, appreciates his restraint because it’s been a long time since Danny’s sucked cock and choking isn’t really his thing.

 

Danny presses a finger against Steve’s perineum and squeezes his balls and that’s all Steve needs. He comes with a groan that sounds almost painful and it takes Danny by surprise but he recovers quickly, keeping his mouth on Steve throughout. It’s clear Steve’s finished, but Danny isn’t ready to stop, only pulls off when Steve tugs on his hair and pulls his hips away, probably getting too sensitive.

 

“God, Danno,” Steve breathes, “Up, get up here now.”

 

Danny suppresses a groan as he ungracefully gets to his feet. His knee is throbbing steadily but he was right, it was worth it. Steve’s undoing Danny’s pants and Danny uses Steve’s shoulders to balance, unable to put his full weight on his one leg.

 

“Fuck, Danny,” Steve says, guiding Danny to lie down on the couch and settling above him.

 

“So fucking hot,” Steve continues, wrapping a hand around Danny’s cock, “but next time not on your knees, ok?”

 

Danny can only nod and Steve scrapes his teeth over Danny’s neck and pumps his cock. Steve’s grip is tight, tighter than Danny’s usual preference, but fuck it, Danny doesn’t mind. Steve’s mouth is hot against his neck and his hand is huge and giving Danny everything he needs. Steve’s whispering things to him that Danny only half makes out. Steve’s telling Danny how much he loves Danny like this when he twists his wrist and Danny comes, curling his body into Steve’s while Steve wrings out every last drop.

 

They’re both panting and Steve’s got this goofy grin on his face and he’d make fun of it except Danny’s pretty sure that his face looks similar.

 

Steve eventually helps Danny up and Danny can’t help but laugh at how they’re both still wearing shirts with their soft cocks hanging out. He’s always found that look ridiculous. Steve solves the situation by taking his shirt off while Danny’s reaching for his boxers and that probably says a lot more about their personalities than it should.

 

Danny limps up the stairs and Steve follows a little later with an ice-pack for Danny’s knee. Danny’s already in bed, having given up on the shirt, he’s just in his boxers.

 

“Seriously, babe,” Steve says, “That was great, but next time we’re doing it in a position that doesn’t require medical attention afterwards.”

 

“This is hardly medical attention, it’s an ice-pack,” Danny argues, even though he agrees.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve says, curling up in bed next to Danny, head resting on Danny’s chest.

 

+

 

When Danny wakes up he’s on his stomach with Steve draped over him. Steve’s hard, Danny can feel him against his thigh and when Danny stirs Steve gives a little thrust, leaving a warm trail of pre-come. Of course Steve slept without clothes again. If Grace ever stays over they’re going to have to have a talk about that.

 

“Hey,” Steve says, voice sleep rough. It makes Danny’s cock twitch.

 

“Hey,” Danny mumbles.

 

Steve presses kisses over Danny’s shoulders and back, anywhere he can reach while still remaining plastered to Danny. Danny sighs happily and melts into the bed. He’s more relaxed than he’s been in a very, very long time. He knew he missed having a partner, but he hadn’t realized how much he craved physical intimacy.

 

Steve strokes a hand up and down Danny’s side, just firm enough to not be ticklish. Not that Danny would mind, he likes being tickled sometimes. He also will _never_ let anyone know that because they will abuse that knowledge. He can just imagine Steve jumping out at inopportune moments, like at crime scenes. He’d probably get Kono in on it too. Danny would never have a moment’s peace.

 

Danny begins rocking his hips, needing _some_ pressure on his cock, but too lazy and sleepy to do much more. Steve seems to appreciate it, the way he slides his cock between Danny’s thighs and gasps into Danny’s back. Steve’s hand goes lower, into Danny’s boxers and squeezes his ass. Danny stills immediately, it feels good but Danny still _worries._

 

Steve pulls his hand back out and encourages Danny to roll over. Steve’s face in a mask of concern and Danny immediately feels guilty.

 

“Is there a reason you don’t want me touching your ass?” Steve asks, straight to the point.

 

“I like it,” Danny rushes to reassure Steve, “I’m just not very reliable.”

 

Steve frowns, “I have no idea what you’re trying to say to me.”

 

Danny doesn’t blame him.

 

“Look, it’s just, with my IBS, I never know when a flare-up is going to happen. I don’t get much warning. And I have actually had to stop in the middle of sex to go to the toilet. Which is humiliating and Rachel found it very hurtful. As I’m sure you can imagine, I wasn’t really in the mood after that. So, yeah, I’d really like to have anal sex, but I’m not sure if I can.”

 

“Alright,” Steve nods. Danny scans Steve’s face for any kind of judgement or disappointment. Either Steve has a very good poker face (he does, but he’s never been able to keep things from Danny) or he’s genuinely ok with what Danny just told him.

 

“So,” Steve says, “Can I touch your ass if I promise we’ll only ever have anal sex if and when you say it’s ok? Because Danny I’ve been wanting to get my hands on you pretty much since day one. Do you have _any_ idea how you look in those pants you always wear? They should be illegal.”

 

Now that Steve knows Danny’s limits, Danny is totally down with that.

 

“Yeah, yeah you can definitely do that,” Danny says with a grin.

 

Steve draws Danny into a kiss and it’s sweet and reassuring and gentle in a way that Danny’s never seen Steve be.

 

“And just so you know,” Steve murmurs into Danny’s lips, “You can fuck me anytime you want.”

 

And Jesus, that is not playing fair. Danny shoves Steve onto his back and climbs on top of him, devouring Steve’s mouth. Steve’s hands immediately go to Danny’s ass and now that Danny knows Steve isn’t going to push he can just enjoy it. Steve’s hands are all over him, pushing and pulling, squeezing and pinching, and wow, Steve must _really_ have a thing for Danny’s ass. Danny’s skin is beginning to get over sensitized but Steve switches it up, starts trailing his fingers over Danny, as if he’s mapping him out. He starts with the crease where Danny’s thighs meet his ass, thumbs at the slight dimples in his cheeks, trails his fingers along Danny’s crack, mindful not to push too far. God this man will be the death of Danny.

 

Danny scoots down the bed so he can line up their cocks. It means he can no long kiss Steve, he’s too short to reach comfortably, but the way Steve gasps when Danny grinds down into him more than makes up for it. Danny takes the opportunity to explore Steve’s chest. He kisses along Steve’s collar bones and sucks a faint mark into his left pec, right above his heart. What pleases Danny most is how sensitive Steve’s nipples are; just a flick of his tongue has Steve arching up into him and when Danny sucks Steve’s nipple, Steve grips Danny’s ass hard and grinds up into Danny. Danny doesn’t stop, pinches at the nipple not in his mouth and sucks hard and pumps his hips until Steve’s whimpering and then Danny switches, rolls Steve’s wet nipple between his fingers as he licks and bites at the other.

 

Steve’s a mess beneath him and it’s a heady feeling to know that it’s all Danny’s doing. Steve finally comes with a cry, head thrown back, tendons standing out in his neck, hands gripping Danny’s ass so hard he’s sure he’ll have bruises. Steve’s panting and there’s come all over his chest and it’s one of the best things Danny’s ever seen. Then Steve has one hand on Danny’s cock and the other rolling Danny’s balls and it doesn’t take long, just a thumb flicked over the tip and Danny’s coming too, on Steve’s chest and a strand even goes as far as his neck.

 

Danny slumps onto Steve trying to catch his breath. The minute they have sufficient condoms and lube Danny is going to fuck Steve like he’s never been fucked before. But that will have to wait, because they have work to get to and they’re both sweaty and covered in come so a shower is in order before they stick together.

 

“You’re a lot quieter than I thought you’d be,” Steve says, recovering first.

 

“Mmm,” Danny says, trying to get his body and mind back under his control, “Much better things to focus on than talking.”

 

Steve cups Danny’s face and presses a kiss to his lips.

 

+

 

The next few weeks are good. Danny spends the majority of his spare time with Steve, only going home to get clean clothes. When Danny has Grace for the weekend, however, he stays at his apartment. He wants to wait until he and Steve are more settled before he tells Grace and Rachel about them and Steve agrees. They do, however, spend the day with Steve and Grace runs around like a maniac, Steve matching her pace for pace and she ends up conked out on Steve’s couch way before her bedtime. Steve finds a light blanket to cover her with and strokes her hair away from her face and there is such a look of awe and love in his eyes that it hits Danny like a punch in the gut. Danny can’t believe he got so lucky.

 

When it’s time to leave Danny kisses Steve goodbye before he goes to get Grace, but Steve offers to carry her to the car and Danny can see how much he want to, can see how hard it is for him that Danny’s going back to his apartment for the night. Danny doesn’t like it either, but at least he’ll have Grace. Steve’s going to be alone. So Danny nods and Steve lifts Grace up like she’s the most precious thing in the world. She murmurs when Steve lays her down in the back seat but quiets when Steve presses a kiss to her forehead. Steve and Danny hug goodbye, neither willing to let go, so they end up holding each other for way longer than is probably normal.

 

“Soon,” Danny whispers, “I’ll tell Rachel and Grace soon. Before the next time I have Grace, so we can stay here.”

 

Steve squeezes Danny tighter before letting go. It’s harder than Danny anticipated, getting in his car and driving to his apartment without Steve.

 

+

 

They’re interviewing a witness when Danny’s stomach starts cramping. He ignores it, listens to what the witness is saying, asking relevant questions, putting the pieces together. When they’re done and back in the car the cramps have gotten worse. Danny’s for once grateful at Steve’s need to be the one driving, because with the way he’s feeling he wouldn’t be able to concentrate, would probably end up driving them into a tree.

 

Danny tries to breathe through the pain and while it helps clear his head a little, it’s not doing much else. It’s not long before Danny realizes that he’s going to need to get to a toilet soon.

 

“I need to stop,” Danny says.

 

“What? Why?” Steve asks.

 

“Need the toilet,” Danny’s starting to sweat.

 

“We’re five minutes from headquarters,” Steve glances at Danny.

 

“I’m not gonna last that long,” Danny says, and he can hear the panic creeping into his voice now.

 

Steve looks at Danny and understanding appears on his face.

 

“Ok,” Steve says, going into action mode, “I can put the sirens on and get to HQ in two, otherwise we’re about to pass a restaurant that we can stop at.”

 

“Restaurant,” Danny grits out, not knowing if he’ll last a minute, let alone two.

 

“Roger that,” Steve says, speeding up to the restaurant and stopping abruptly. The jolt doesn’t do good things to Danny’s stomach, but he hangs on.

 

Danny’s out of the car and into the restaurant without even thinking, his only objective is to get to the toilet before he embarrasses himself. Steve’s following him, flashes his badge to the manger.

 

“Five-0,” Steve says, “We need to commandeer your restroom.”

 

Steve follows Danny into the bathrooms, where there’s a guy at one of the urinals.

 

“Five-0,” Steve repeats, “Get out!”

 

The guy zips up and all but runs out the door and Danny’s already undoing his pants and closing the door to the stall. He hears Steve lock the door to the bathroom and while Danny appreciates that no one else is going to come in, Danny would have preferred it if Steve was waiting outside. Then all Danny knows is pain for the next few minutes.

 

When the pain eases up a bit Danny doesn’t dare move for a while, unsure whether it’s safe. His eyes and nose are watering and Danny has no idea why that happens. He sniffs and wipes his eyes.

 

“Danny,” Steve calls tentatively, “You ok?”

 

“Yeah,” Danny answers, and his voice trembles and he hates it.

 

Danny cleans himself up and when he steps out of the stall he doesn’t look at Steve, crosses the floor to wash his hands. Steve comes up behind him and Danny looks up, sees Steve’s face in the mirror. He can see Steve’s trying to hide it, but he looks scared. Steve wraps his arms gently around Danny and rests his chin on Danny’s shoulder.

 

“You ready to go home?” Steve asks.

 

“We’ve still got a case to solve,” Danny says, voice stronger now.

 

“Danny.”

 

“Steve.”

 

“Ok,” Steve says, “How about a compromise? We go home and you take what you need to take. We work the case from there and if we have to go out, I won’t try to stop you. Deal?”

 

“Yeah, ok,” Danny says, grateful that Steve isn’t trying to stop him from doing his job.

 

They leave the restaurant and Danny privately vows never to go back there because what happened, while unavoidable, was mortifying. The car is uncharacteristically silent until they’re halfway to Steve’s house, when Danny starts laughing.

 

“What?” Steve asks.

 

“Commandeering the restroom,” Danny manages to say between giggles, “I wish that had been under less embarrassingly circumstances so I could tell Chin. Kono would probably just think it was cool, but Chin would understand.”

 

Steve snorts but looks sheepish. Danny lays a hand on Steve’s thigh and squeezes gently.

 

“Hey,” Danny says, “Thank babe. You really had my back there.”

 

Steve rests his hand on top of Danny’s, “Always, Danno. Always.”

 

+

 

Danny basically moves in with Steve, even though he keeps his apartment. It’s an unnecessary expense but Danny feels better knowing he has a place that is officially his own, even if Steve’s house is more home than Danny’s apartment ever was. Steve doesn’t seem to have an issue with it.

 

Danny has always loved the more domestic lifestyle, so he and Steve might act more like a couple who’ve been together five years instead of 5 months, but neither of them care. There’s none of that honeymoon period ceremony, where there’s pressure to be romantic and cheesy. There’s no need to pretend they aren’t normal humans with normal bodily functions (except Danny, whose certain bodily functions _are_ abnormal). So they don’t have to apologize when they both come home sweaty after chasing bad guys all day. Danny’s almost always more sweaty than Steve. (“If you wore more practical clothes you wouldn’t sweat a much, Danny.” “Screw you asshole, you try having this much body hair in this unnatural heat! My body was built for colder climates!”) Steve’s the first one to fart in bed which just earns him an amused snort from Danny. They’re comfortable and they work with the ease that normally comes from years of being together. They still argue, they’re still _them_ after all. Sometimes it’s because Steve still takes stupid risks at work. Sometimes it’s because as well as they work together as a couple it still takes some adjusting, especially from Steve who’s never lived with a romantic partner before. Steve has this thing about doing dishes as soon as they’ve eaten when all Danny wants to do is relax. Danny always takes too long in the shower for Steve’s liking. But all in all, it works and it’s comfortable.

 

The thing about living with someone is you learn all these little details about them that you’d never know otherwise. Danny learns that Steve is a compulsive snuggler, which Danny very much enjoys except on humid nights when Danny feels like he’s trapped in an oven. It doesn’t matter how they fall asleep, Steve will always end up wrapped around Danny in some way. Danny knows when Steve’s stressed because he’ll get up extra early so he can swim further, faster, harder. Steve’s pretty much always up for sex, way more so than Danny, but he doesn’t demand anything. The only time he’s not interested is after particularly hard cases, ones that hit home, ones that involve children, ones where they can’t save everyone. Then they’ll lie in bed together, Danny holding Steve, stroking his back, not talking because that won’t help. It sometimes takes Steve a few days to recover, but he always does. Danny takes it hard too, but never as hard as Steve does. Steve’s bowels work like clockwork, every morning at more or less the same time. Danny never thought he’d be jealous of someone’s bowel movements, but there you go.

 

But while Danny’s learning all these things about Steve, he knows Steve’s learning about him. And one of those things is just how much his IBS affects his everyday life. It’s an all encompassing illness, no off days, no getting better. It’s just bad days and worse days. He can see it’s dawning on Steve just how bad it actually is. It’s taking its toll, he’s getting up earlier and earlier and he frowns at Danny when he thinks Danny’s not looking. Danny tries not to be paranoid about it; up until now Steve’s been great about handling Danny’s IBS. But Danny also knows that it’s tiring having a partner who’s sick all the time.

 

Steve makes these nasty looking smoothies most mornings. He always makes enough for two and offers Danny one, but Danny always declines. Steve looks more and more pissed every time Danny does. When Danny eats malasadas Steve has started getting aneurism face and Danny’s starting to get a little angry about it, because Danny is not a child and he can actually eat whatever he chooses.

 

One day a bottle of pills appears on the kitchen counter.

 

“Have you ever taken probiotics?” Steve asks.

 

“No,” Danny answers. He’s tried a lot of things to help his IBS, new diets, pills, whatever. They never work and anytime he sees someone claiming to have the new miracle cure he goes from zero to furious in a split second. As far as Danny’s concerned, he knows what he can eat, he takes painkillers and that’s pretty much all he can do.

 

“Look,” Steve says, “Will you please just try them. They’re supposed to help. A lot of people online swear by them.”

 

“Oh, well, if people you don’t know have vouched for them then they definitely work,” Danny says, fists clenched.

 

“Please,” Steve tries again, and he’s doing the sad eyes thing that makes Danny want to try and fix the whole damn world for him.

 

“Fine,” Danny grumbles, “but please note that I am doing this under duress.”

 

“Noted,” Steve says with a smile.

 

So Danny takes the pills, they have breakfast (“No Steven, I do not want to try your stupid smoothie!”) and go into work. By midmorning Danny’s feeling nauseous and has heartburn worse than he’s ever had before. The antacids don’t even touch sides. By lunch time the nausea is so bad that it has Danny running to the bathroom. Danny breaks his incredibly impressive no-puking streak. He throws up more stomach acid than he thought was possible for the human body to produce and that’s all. By the time he’s finished his throat is burning like crazy.

 

He flushes the toilet and gets up, knee sore from being bent and kneeling on a hard floor for so long. Steve’s there when he comes out the stall, giving Danny a bit of a start; he hadn’t even heard Steve come in.

 

“You sick?” Steve asks, resting his hand against Danny’s forehead to feel for a fever.

 

“I dunno,” Danny shrugs, “Didn’t feel too sick. Just nauseous.”

 

Danny’s voice is scratchy and his throat hurts even more when he speaks.

 

“You want to go home?” Steve asks.

 

“Nah,” Danny shakes his head.

 

They continue work like normal, and Danny throws up once more before they head home, and again it’s just bile. Once they’re home Danny checks his throat in the mirror and from what little he can see, his throat looks raw and sort of ulcer-ish. Danny struggles to eat supper because of his throat and goes to bed early. He stirs when Steve joins him a little while later, but falls back asleep quickly.

 

When Danny wakes up in the morning it’s clear that he’s got a fever. Steve refuses to let him go to work until he’s seen a doctor and Danny doesn’t mind because he feels pretty shit. That’s the thing about having a chronic illness, Danny’s never firing on all cylinders as it is, so when he gets sick it hits him hard.

 

The doctor reckons Danny had an adverse reaction to the probiotics, and the subsequent infection is just bad luck. He gives Danny antibiotics for the infection and suggests he take painkillers until his throat heals a bit.

 

When Danny gets home he calls Steve.

 

“Hey,” Danny says when he hears Steve pick up.

 

“ _Hey, what did the doc say?”_

 

Danny hesitates; he knows that Steve will take personal responsibility for suggesting the probiotics in the first place, but he’s not about to lie to Steve either.

 

“ _Danny, I’m so sorry”_ Steve says when Danny tells him, and there it is.

 

“Babe, listen to me, you do not get to feel guilty about this. I’m sure probiotics do help some people. Just, you know, not me. And you couldn’t have known that.”

 

“ _I know, but, I’m still sorry.”_

“I know. Look, babe, I have to take antibiotics to get rid of this infection, so I’m going to have to take a few days off. My body doesn’t like antibiotics; I’m not going to be much use at work when I have to go to the bathroom every five minutes. But I can still come in this morning, if you need me,” Danny says, grimacing at the thought of how bad the next few days are going to be.

 

“ _No no, don’t worry about it. Just stay at home and get some rest. I’m sure we can manage without you for a few days.”_

“Yeah, ok,” Danny agrees.

 

“ _I’ll see you tonight, Danno.”_

“See you, babe.”

 

Danny ends the call and takes the pills the doctor prescribed. Then he goes upstairs and gets into his pajamas and gets back into bed.

 

Steve barely touches Danny for a week and Danny knows it’s Steve’s own guilt issues but that doesn’t make it hurt less.

 

+

 

After Danny’s finished the course of antibiotics and he’s back at work his stomach’s still giving him a hard time. It happens, these long bouts of seemingly endless pain and diarrhea. They don’t end per se, he is always in pain, but sometimes he’s in less pain, sometimes he’ll even go a day or two, sometimes _three_ without diarrhea. That’s always nice. But it never, ever goes away. It’s exhausting and when Danny’s not exhausted he’s angry. He’s barely been able to eat for days, feels nauseous every time he does, especially at night, which is generally the only chance they get to eat something substantial. He’s taking more antacids than is probably healthy.

 

Steve isn’t happy. He’s taken to watching Danny like a hawk, and Danny can’t help but think Steve is judging everything he does, everything he eats. Steve’s been trying to get Danny to eat more healthy, which just pisses Danny off because he would if eating that shit didn’t cause him extreme amounts of pain and Danny doesn’t think Steve has the right to tell him what he can and can’t eat anyway.

 

Danny will admit he’s been testy lately, between the pain and Steve’s own sour mood, he has every reason to be. But that doesn’t make things more pleasant.

 

It’s a Sunday when Steve asks Danny if he wants to go on a hike up to the petroglyphs. Really, Danny would love to spend some time with Steve that doesn’t involve work or the tension that’s been brewing between them recently. Danny knows what the petroglyphs mean to Steve and he knows this is Steve’s way of trying to reconnect. The problem is that Danny knows he’s going to be down the count today; he’s been abusing the anti-diarrheals during the week so he can make it through work and hasn’t taken them since Friday morning. There’s always kickback.

 

“Look,” Danny says to Steve, “I’d really love to. But unless they’ve installed restrooms along the trail, it’s really not an option for me today.”

 

Steve sighs and does that disappointed, pissed off face he’s been doing way too much recently and it takes all of Danny’s strength to not start shouting at him. Danny doesn’t want to fight with Steve about this, he’d had the same fight with Rachel so many times and all it achieved was Danny growing more resentful and Rachel growing more distant.

 

“I’m sorry,” Danny says instead. He even means it.

 

“Yeah,” Steve says, not looking at Danny.

 

“Why don’t you ask Chin or Kono if they want to go with you?” Danny asks, because really, they could probably use the space from each other.

 

Steve grunts and pulls out his phone. Steve asks Chin if he wants to go and from what Danny can gather Chin agrees readily. It must be nice to be able to just up and go, do anything you want. Danny’s never really known what that’s like. Steve changes into hiking boots and tells Danny he’ll be home later. Danny tries not to feel lonely.

 

Danny was right and he has a really horrible day. He has Ensure for lunch because Steve’s not there to glare at him and spends most of the day on the couch generally feeling sorry for himself. He’s bloated terribly and when he looks in the mirror he grimaces because he looks like a middle-aged man with a beer gut. For some reason he’s reminded of those horrible yogurt adverts where they talk about keeping people ‘regular’ and Danny just feels disgusting.

 

Steve comes home looking flushed and happy and Danny tries to just feel pleased for Steve and not jealous that he didn’t get to be flushed and happy with him. Danny had been lying on the couch with his t-shirt pulled up because even that felt like too much pressure on his stomach, but he pulls it down when Steve comes in. He doesn’t want Steve to see how bloated he is.

 

Steve kisses him hello, and Danny responds happily because it’s been a while since there’s been easy affection between them. Danny’s missed it. Apparently so has Steve because he quickly turns the kiss dirty, licking into Danny’s mouth like he’s trying to devour him. Danny doesn’t really register Steve pulling up his shirt, just enjoys the sensation of Steve running a hand over his chest and pinching his nipples. It’s enough to make him forget about the steady ache in his stomach that’s been there to a lesser or greater degree for weeks.

 

That is, until Steve splayed a hand over Danny’s belly and breaks their kiss with a playful grin and says, “Too many malasadas, huh Danno?”

 

Steve kisses Danny’s chest and moves his hand further down to palm Danny’s cock through his sweats, but Danny barely feels it. Instead he feels cold all over. He knows Steve was joking. Steve’s never been mean. But now Steve touching him just feels wrong and Danny doesn’t feel like being sexual in the slightest despite his hard cock that Steve is still fondling unaware of the affect his words have had on Danny.

 

Danny tries to say, “Stop” but the word sticks in his throat. Danny swallows a few times.

 

“Stop,” Danny actually manages to croak out and Steve’s head immediate jerks up from where he was nuzzling Danny’s chest. Danny doesn’t know what he looks like, but it mustn’t be good the way Steve pales.

 

“What’s wrong?” Steve asks, eyes darting over Danny.

 

“I just,” Danny isn’t even sure what to say, “I just can’t.”

 

Danny pushes Steve off of him and Steve goes easily, looking concerned and wounded and for a split second Danny fucking hates him.

 

“Danny,” Steve reaches out a hand but Danny dodges him, gets off the couch and out of reach.

 

“I think I should stay at my apartment tonight,” Danny says, his voice sounding hollow. Danny just doesn’t have the emotional reserves to deal with this right now. The past few weeks have been gruelling, he’s put all of his energy into trying to be a normal person who can actually have a job and leave the house and he just doesn’t have anything left.

 

“Danny,” Steve says, grabbing Danny’s arm this time, “Please tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” Danny’s voice is quiet, “What’s wrong is that I have a chronic illness. I feel like shit all the time and I don’t need you judging me. You have no idea how hard I try. Every. Single. Day. I know how my body works, or doesn’t work, as the case may be. I’m the one who has to live with it. And I can’t take your fucking looks anymore. I cant- I just can’t, ok?”

 

Steve looks stricken and it makes Danny feel ever worse.

 

“I just need some time on my own,” Danny says. He grabs his keys and phone and leaves the house. He drives to his shitty apartment and he expected he’d feel a little better alone, without anyone judging him. Instead he just feels empty. This isn’t what he wanted at all.

 

+

 

Early the next morning there’s a knock on Danny’s door and when he opens it Steve is standing there looking determined. Danny didn’t sleep well and by the looks of it neither did Steve. Danny moves aside to let Steve in. Steve paces back and forth and Danny sits back down on his bed and waits. He knows Steve’s gearing up to something and he feels like the pit of his stomach disappeared.

 

“Danny,” Steve finally says, stopping to stand in front of Danny, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Okay,” Danny says, keeping his voice neutral.

 

Steve looks pained.

 

“I get angry when I see you in pain- Not like you’re thinking!” Steve rushes to say, “I get angry because it’s unfair. You shouldn’t have to go through this. And I’m angry because I wish I could fight this for you and I can’t. Everything I do, it’s because I care about you.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Danny says, and he does. He’s had all night to think about it and he knows Steve only wants him to be happy. He knows the comment last night wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously and that Danny was being sensitive.

 

“I know,” Danny says again, “But that doesn’t help me.”

 

“Then tell me what I can do,” Steve says, getting to his knees in front of Danny so he can look him in the eyes, “I kills me to see you in pain all the time. What can I do to make this better?”

 

“I don’t know,” Danny says.

 

Steve pulls Danny into a hug, his arms wrapped firmly around Danny and Danny feels like he can breathe for the first time since he left Steve’s last night. Being in Steve’s arms feels safe.

 

“Maybe just more of this?” Danny mumbles into Steve shoulder.

 

Steve squeezes Danny tighter, “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

Somehow Steve manages to get them lying on Danny’s bed without them separating and Danny would congratulate him but he’s too comfortable to speak, sprawled on Steve’s chest. Steve gets a hand into Danny’s hair and started rubbing his head and Danny can feel the stress built up over weeks of feeling terrible, of pushing Steve away, of Steve pulling away, all of it seeping out of him.

 

Danny lets out a happy breath and snuggles further into Steve, wishing he could burrow inside of him. He can hear Steve’s heart beating a slow, steady rhythm.

 

This. This is good.

 

+

 

Things improve with Steve. Danny gets hugs when he’s feeling shitty and Steve doesn’t glare at Danny’s food as much. Danny counts this as a win. Their arguments go back to being something fun they do in the car to pass the time.

 

They’re nearing their one year anniversary and Danny’s having a good day after a few good days. He’s been thinking about something for a while, about how comfortable he is with Steve, how much he trusts him, about how much he wants Steve to fuck him.

 

They go out for dinner because neither of them had felt like cooking and Steve insists on going to a place he knows Danny likes because it’s got a lot of dishes that are safe for Danny to eat and it never fails to make Danny’s heart clench when Steve does something like that.

 

When they get home Danny is all over Steve, putting almost a years worth of learning Steve’s body to good use and by the time they make it to the bedroom they’re both hard and panting and pulling each other’s clothes off. They hit the bed together and Danny rolls them so that Steve’s on top and Steve’s rubbing his cheek on Danny’s neck because he hasn’t shaved in a few days and he knows how much Danny loves it.

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Danny gasps out and Steve jerks away from Danny and looks at him with his mouth open. Danny doesn’t miss the way Steve’s cock twitches against his thigh.

 

“Really?” Steve says, and Danny can tell he’s trying not to sound too eager.

 

“Yes, really,” Danny smiles.

 

“Is that ok? Are you alright to do that?” Steve asks, trying to be delicate.

 

“Do you want to discuss my bowels, or do you want to fuck me?”

 

Steve’s face goes slack for a second, like he the thought of fucking Danny has disconnected his brain. Steve’s cock is leaking pre-come against Danny’s thigh now, which is normally a sure sign that Steve’s close to coming. Danny can’t help but feel smug.

 

“I. Er. Yeah. With the fucking,” Steve manages to say, his eyes still a little glazed.

 

“With the fucking,” Danny smirks and pulls Steve into a kiss. It takes a few seconds for Steve to respond but when he does he takes control, gentles the kiss into something tender and reverent.

 

Steve’s hands are all over Danny; soft as they trace the outline of Danny’s body, mapping every contour like Steve’s never touched Danny before, like Steve doesn’t want to miss a single moment, a single pore or crease or hair on Danny’s body.

 

Steve breaks the kiss and mouths his way down Danny’s neck, licks at his stubbly Adam’s apple, sucks at the base of his throat. Danny has one hand on the back of Steve’s neck and he can’t let go; needs the anchor as Steve all but worships him. Danny almost forgets what they’re building to as Steve continues his slow exploration of Danny’s body. Steve’s mouth follows the path of his hands. He nuzzles Danny’s chest, licks at Danny’s nipples but doesn’t linger, Steve knows that Danny’s nipples aren’t much of a hot spot for Danny, he scraps his teeth over Danny’s sternum. Steve makes his way down Danny’s chest and stomach, nipping the edges of his hips, burying his nose in Danny’s pubic hair and breathing in like it’s the most amazing scent Steve’s ever come across. Danny feels like he should be embarrassed, but he’s too far gone for that and his cock twitches, nudges Steve’s chin. Steve smiles, bends his head down and takes the head of Danny’s cock into his mouth. Danny moans and Steve moans with him.

 

Steve gets a hand on Danny’s balls, rolling and squeezing them just the way Danny likes, his hand firm and sure. Steve’s other hand is wrapped around Danny’s hip, thumb stroking along the bone, fingers digging into Danny’s ass. As much Danny feels like his brain is already dribbling out of his ears, he _does_ remember what he wants. He tugs on Steve’s hair, says, “Steve, Steve, baby, gonna come if you keep doing that.”

 

Steve pulls off reluctantly, looks up at Danny with dark eyes and swollen lips and Danny’s heart stutters in his chest. Steve looks beautiful like this, relaxed and aroused and all of it for Danny and no one else. It makes Danny feel powerful, insignificant, smug, awed. Steve is so often a contradiction; hands that have killed so soft on Danny’s skin and eyes like steel looking lovingly at Danny’s face. He makes Danny feel contradictory.

 

Danny hands Steve the bottle of lube he snags from the bedside table before he starts writing crappy love poetry in his head.

 

“Condom?” Steve asks, because while they know they’re both clean they still use condoms more often than not because Steve isn’t all that fond of the feeling of come dripping out of his ass, especially when he wants to be up and doing things like he often is after sex.

 

“No,” Danny says. He’s thought about it, doesn’t know if he’ll feel like Steve does or if he’ll like it, but he wants to try at least.

 

Steve nods, grabs a pillow and positions it under Danny’s lower back. Danny bends his knees and Steve kisses his way from knee to groin while he coats his fingers with lube.

 

“You ready?” Steve asks, running his unlubed hand over Danny’s stomach.

 

Danny catches Steve’s hand and links their fingers, “Yeah.”

 

Steve is gentle, takes his time, and the first finger he slides in feels strange but not unpleasant for Danny. Steve spends a while massaging around that tight ring of muscle as he pulls his finger in and out which Danny greatly appreciates because while he absolutely trusts Steve and wants this, he still can’t trust his own body one hundred percent and it goes a long way in helping him relax.

 

The second finger is harder to take. Steve’s hands are big and his fingers thick so two of his fingers end up being about the width of his cock. Danny sucks in a breath as he feels the burn and can’t help but tense up. Steve stills his fingers and his eyes lock on Danny’s face. Their hands are still entwined on Danny’s stomach and he squeezes Danny’s hand. Danny lets out a long breath and tries to consciously relax. He nods and Steve moves his fingers slowly in and out, massaging little circles as Danny loosens up. He scissors his fingers and Danny’s learning to enjoy the stretch, wriggling his hips a bit to get more comfortable.

 

“I think,” Danny says, voice soft but loud to his ears after so much quiet between him and Steve, “I think I’m ready.”

 

Steve grunts in understanding but continues to scissor his fingers. Now that Danny is more settled he watches Steve’s face. Steve’s brows are furrowed and his lips pursed as he watches his fingers like he’s never had to concentrate on something so much in his life. His whole body is tense, bent over Danny. He looks so cute that Danny can’t help but huff out a quiet laugh. Steve looks up, frowning.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing,” Danny smiles, “Just you. I love you so much.”

 

Steve breaks into a wide grin and Danny hopes he never gets over how goofy Steve can look. Steve seems to unwind, he straightens up and his face loses the lines of tension that had crept in. He withdraws his fingers, gets more lube on his hand, which is a bit of a struggle with his other hand still clasped with Danny’s on his stomach, but Danny’s not letting go and Steve manages. Steve runs his hand over his dick, pumping it a few times. He positions himself between Danny’s legs and steadies his cock with his hand.

 

“I’m going to go slow,” Steve says, “But tell me if you need me to stop, or you need some time, ok?”

 

“Sure babe,” Danny says and he wonders if Steve’s more nervous about this than he is.

 

Steve takes it so slowly Danny would swear Steve thinks they’re both virgins. But then the feeling of fullness and the stretch catches up with Danny and he’s suddenly glad that Steve isn’t rushing this. It burns but Danny wouldn’t describe it as hurting. What it is, is overwhelming. Danny feels like his whole world is narrowed down to the feeling of Steve’s cock stretching him and Danny feels impossibly tight around him, to the point that Danny is worried that he’s hurting Steve. Danny knows how good tight can feel, but this feels too tight.

 

“Just breathe,” Steve says and it helps.

 

Danny lets go of Steve’s hand so he can fist his cock which is starting to go soft. Danny knows that first times aren’t always the best, but he’s determined to get this right because he doesn’t know when he’ll get another chance.

 

Steve, now that his hand’s free, takes hold on Danny’s legs and repositions them so that they’re wrapped around Steve’s waist. That feels a lot better and Steve slips in a little easier. When Steve finally bottoms out they’re both panting. Steve’s eyes are scrunched up and he’s biting his lip and Danny’s pretty sure he’s trying not to come and for some reason that makes Danny feel better.

 

It takes Steve a minute to calm down, breathing deeply through his nose as he does. Danny takes the time to take stock of his body and finds, now that he’s more used to is, having Steve’s cock in him feels good. Fantastic, in fact.  

 

“Alright?” Steve asks.

 

“Yeah,” Danny smiles.

 

“Yeah?” Steve says, beginning to thrust shallowly. He finds his rhythm quickly and Danny pulls Steve down for a kiss. It changes the angle and Danny arches up into Steve because _oh god_ that was his prostate and Danny knew it felt good but he never knew it was _this good._ Steve chuckles into Danny’s mouth as Danny can do nothing but gasp and grip at Steve’s back, fingers digging into skin.

 

Steve picks up the pace, long hard strokes and Danny’s legs are wound so tight around Steve’s waist they’re in danger are cramping. Danny’s got his head turned to the side, looking at Steve is too much because he’s looking at Danny like Danny fucking hung the moon and stars and Danny’s in sensory overload as it is, he doesn’t need to be tearing up while Steve’s fucking him.

 

Steve’s gasping into Danny’s neck now and saying “God, Danno, babe, gonna come, love you.”

 

Danny wraps his hand around his cock and pumps it a few times and then he’s coming, his whole world imploding under the pressure of pure sensation and his legs tense even more around Steve and he’s sure he’s leaving nail marks in Steve’s back. At some point Steve comes too, his thrusts going erratic and hard and he groans low in his throat and Danny’s really not sure who comes first or if they come together because he’s so out of it.

 

When Danny regains awareness Steve’s got his forehead resting on Danny’s shoulder and he’s saying “Fuck, Danny, so good,” in that breathless fucked out voice that Danny loves. Danny can’t get himself to speak yet, so he strokes Steve’s hair by way of agreeing. Steve eventually finds the strength to sit up and he eases Danny’s legs down and slowly withdraws from Danny. Danny always thought that empty feeling was exaggerated, but that is exactly what it feels like once Steve’s left his body. Danny’s legs feel like they’re never going to close again. Steve flops down next to Danny and presses a kiss to Danny’s shoulder.

 

“You ok?” Steve asks and Danny turns his head with great effort so he can look at Steve.

 

“I think you fucked my brains out,” Danny manages to slur.

 

Danny tries to put his legs together because his hips feel all weird, cups his balls and moves them out the way and squeezes his legs together until his hips click. He sighs and finally straightens his legs out. For all that Steve did all the work, Danny feels like he ran a marathon. There’s a distinct wet feeling between his ass cheeks now that Danny is sure isn’t just lube and he doesn’t want to leak out onto the sheets because then they’ll have to change them and that’s just too much effort right now. Danny mumbles as much to Steve. Danny sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed, but when he tries to stand his knees wobble and his legs almost give out so he sits back down.

 

“Hey,” Steve says, coming up behind Danny, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the back of his neck, “I’ll get you a cloth, you just lay back down.”

 

Danny doesn’t argue and when Steve comes back he meticulously cleans Danny’s come off his chest and then folds the cloth over to clean between his cheeks. Danny just basks in the attention. When Steve gets back he wraps himself around Danny and kisses Danny’s hair and Danny’s pretty sure he’s already asleep even though he’s still aware of all of this happening.

 

+

 

The next day Danny’s legs ache and he can’t stop smiling. Steve makes Danny pancakes for breakfast and gloats about how great a lay he is and they spend the day on the couch. Danny complains about having stupid sore sex legs mostly because Steve always grins proudly when he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Danny's symptoms were modeled after my own, but that is not the be all and end all of the IBS experience. 
> 
> I am planning a sequel of sorts; a series of timestamps, scenes that I didn't feel fit into the narrative, some different POVs, etc.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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